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The only way to improve the safety on our own roads is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders To what extent do you agree v.1

The only way to improve the safety on our own roads is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders 1
In recent years, travelling abroad has been increasingly popular. Furthermore, a great number of young people travel all over the world. This essay will discuss why this phenomenon has more advantages than disadvantages. Travelling from an early age has many benefits for personal development. To mention just some of them, exploring new locations and cultures helps a young person to understand the differences between people, customs and ways of living, faster and more accurately than reading from books or learning at school. In addition, travelling abroad requires, most of the times, to communicate in a different language, so this is the best method to learn a foreign language. Last but not least, to travel on his/her own means for a young person that he/she will become more mature in a short period of time. For example, if a graduate student decides to visit a different country without his/her parents, he/she will have to manage a lot of real tasks, in order to enjoy his/her vacation such as speaking a foreign language, managing to travel by plane or train, orientating to new places and so on. After such a journey, he/she will gain an important life experience that cannot be replaced by any other means of learning. All in all, travelling for young persons has many irreplaceable advantages. On the other hand, in some situations, travelling to some countries could also have some downsides. Not all the places on earth are safe and friendly, so one negative point could be related to personal safety. Moreover, the food and health could be other problems during travelling. For example, for a European, travelling to Asia might be quite a challenge because of the extremely spicy food and the water which can cause serious stomach diseases. So, as any new experience in an unknown place, travelling can have some disadvantages as well. In conclusion, travelling abroad has become increasingly popular among young people. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the long term. A person who travels from an early age will have a lot of things to learn and will develop a better understanding and tolerance to different cultures.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad has been
increasingly
popular.
Furthermore
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
all over the world. This essay will discuss why this phenomenon has more advantages than disadvantages.

Travelling from an early age has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for personal development. To mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them, exploring new locations and cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to understand the differences between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, customs and ways of living, faster and more
accurately
than reading from books or learning at school.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad requires,
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
, to communicate in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
language,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this is the best method to learn a foreign language. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
on his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
means for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
that he/she will become more mature in a short period of time.
For example
, if a graduate student decides to visit a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country without his/her parents, he/she will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
real tasks, in order to enjoy his/her vacation such as speaking a foreign language, managing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
or train, orientating to new places and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. After such a journey, he/she will gain an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life experience that cannot
be replaced
by any other means of learning. All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
irreplaceable advantages.

On the other hand
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries could
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides. Not all the places on earth are safe and friendly,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
point could
be related
to personal safety.
Moreover
, the food and health could be other problems during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
.
For example
, for a European,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to Asia might be quite a challenge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
extremely
spicy food and the water which can cause serious stomach diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, as any new experience in an unknown place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
as well
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad has become
increasingly
popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the long term. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travels
from an early age will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things to learn and will develop a better understanding and tolerance to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to improve the safety on our own roads is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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