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write a letter to the company manager regarding online item that you have purchased. Describe the item. What is the issue is? What you expect the manager to do? v.1

write a letter to the company manager regarding online item that you have purchased. Describe the item. What is the issue is? What you expect the manager to do? v. 1
Nowadays, students with the same gender are choosing similar subjects in certain universities. While females select arts stream, males choose the science field. In my opinion, It is due to parent's pressure, and this situation should be altered by supporting them to select the subjects they like. To commence with, it is quite difficult to get a degree in the science stream than arts discipline, so parents force females to choose arts subjects because they believe that the mental ability of girls is not high as compared with the boys. Therefore, they cannot get high grades in these subjects, or even they get failed. Moreover, the degree in science stream is costly in comparison to the art field, and they do not want to spend that much amount of money on girls as they think that the girls will go to their husband’s house after marriage. Consequently, they will have no benefit, whereas boys will stay with them, their entire life, so they spend money on them. For example, in India, the female ratio in the science field is quite less as compared with males, that is 1: 9 because parents do not allow them to go into engineering and medical discipline. That is why this situation occurred. However, this scenario can be changed if parents support their female children to select the subjects of their choice, do not force them to select what they do not like. For instance, in a survey conducted by a prestigious newspaper, it is found that more than 60 percent of students did not like their streams in which they are studying. Besides, the government should conduct awareness camps to enlighten the parents. To illustrate, in Canada, the sex ratio in the science stream has improved after the government’s efforts as it conducted seminars to educate the parents. Thereby, the situation can be remedied by creating awareness among the parents. To summarize, I believe that the girls select arts stream and boys science subjects due to parent's pressure. But, it can be changed by educating them.
Nowadays, students with the same gender are choosing similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in certain universities. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stream
, males choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
field. In my opinion, It is due to parent's pressure, and this situation should
be altered
by supporting them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
select
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they like.

To commence with, it is quite difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a degree in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stream
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
discipline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that the mental ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
is not high as compared with the boys.
Therefore
, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high grades in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, or even they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
failed.
Moreover
, the degree in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stream
is costly
in comparison
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
field, and they do not want to spend that much amount of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
will go to their husband’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
after marriage.
Consequently
, they will have no benefit, whereas boys will stay with them, their entire life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they spend money on them.
For example
, in India, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
ratio in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
field is quite less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared with males,
that is
1: 9
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to go into engineering and medical discipline.
That is
why this situation occurred.

However
, this scenario can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
select
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their choice, do not force them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
select
what they do not like.
For instance
, in a survey conducted by a prestigious newspaper, it
is found
that more than 60 percent of students did not like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
in which they are studying.
Besides
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should conduct awareness camps to enlighten the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. To illustrate, in Canada, the sex ratio in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stream
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s efforts as it conducted seminars to educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Thereby, the situation can
be remedied
by creating awareness among the parents.

To summarize
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stream
and boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
due to parent's pressure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by educating them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay write a letter to the company manager regarding online item that you have purchased. Describe the item. What is the issue is? What you expect the manager to do? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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