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Describe a journey (e. g by car, plane, boat) that you remember well. You should tell. how you travelled, where you went on the journey, explain why you remember this journey well. v.1

Describe a journey (e. g by car, plane, boat) that you remember well. You should tell. how you travelled, where you went on the journey, explain why you remember this journey well. v. 1
There is a dichotomy in opinion regarding playing sports and its effects on masses. Some individuals believe that importance of sports activities is undeniable, while there are others who argue that playing sports is merely a free time activity. I opine that sports play a vital role in society rather than just being a leisure time activity. On the one hand, sports have huge positive impact on people’s lives. Firstly, playing various competitive games always make individuals physically fit by keeping them away from diseases. For instance, sports such as cricket and football, where players are in continuous state of walking and running throughout the game, always have minimal chances of heart attacks. Thus, sports are beneficial for everyone in order to live a healthy life. Secondly, sports also have financial advantages. To illustrate, not only players of sports such as football and hockey are rewarded with huge sum of money and bonuses, but their organizers also generate more income by advertising such sports activities. Therefore, these sports are also advantageous for raising income. On the flip side, sports are also considered as nothing more than a spare time entertainment. Individuals play physical games merely for enjoying their free time. For example, workers after doing their jobs of 9-6 use to play various sports such as badminton and table tennis to relax their minds without taking any financial benefits from these activities. Therefore, sports are taken on and off activity for recreational purpose. To conclude, although some people think that sports are nothing more than leisure time activities, I suppose that sports play a vital role in any society in terms of health and financial benefits.
There is a dichotomy in opinion regarding playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and its effects on masses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is undeniable, while there are others who argue that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
merely
a free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a vital role in society
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
being a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
activity.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Firstly
, playing various competitive games always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
individuals
physically
fit by keeping them away from diseases.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as cricket and football, where players are in continuous state of walking and running throughout the game, always have minimal chances of heart attacks.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are beneficial for everyone in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
have financial advantages. To illustrate, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
players of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football and hockey
are rewarded
with huge sum of money and bonuses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their organizers
also
generate more income by advertising such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
also
advantageous for raising income.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
also
considered as nothing more than a spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
entertainment. Individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
physical games
merely
for enjoying their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, workers after doing their jobs of 9-6
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as badminton and table tennis to relax their minds without taking any financial benefits from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are taken
on and off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for recreational purpose.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are nothing more than leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, I suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a vital role in any society in terms of health and financial benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Describe a journey (e. g by car, plane, boat) that you remember well. You should tell. how you travelled, where you went on the journey, explain why you remember this journey well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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