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The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. v.9

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. v. 9
From its first appearance in 1888, in Britain, cars have become a vital mean of transportation in our day to day lives. Until the year 2000, there could be as many as 29 million cars on the roads of Britain, so the people are being encouraged to use alternative forms of transportation to control car usage. I somewhat disagree with this statement, because, although the rate of car use is expanding, introducing international laws to limit the ownership of vehicles is not the answer. The reason people enjoy having their own cars is that it gives them an independence on the roads. In other words, owning a vehicle gives you an advantage to travel wherever you want, without waiting for busses or trains. Establishing a law that suspends the Brits from this freedom would be considered a violation of human rights. In Beijing, for example, in the year 1998, there was a riot against the government, because the new penalties against owning a vehicle were regarded as contravention. On the other hand, the British authority should encourage its citizens to use public transportation. If the busses, trains, and tubes would become free of charge, there is a chance those people will get attracted to them. Consequently, this will decline the rate of vehicle possession in the UK. In Tokyo, the Japanese government made all public means of transportation free for all social groups, and it is currently the city with the lowest rate of car usage. As a conclusion, although Britain can take some measurements to prevent this problem from growing, introducing new rules will only make things worse. Instead, they should encourage people to use other form of vehicles, such as busses, trains, etc.
From its
first
appearance in 1888, in Britain,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have become a vital mean of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Until the year 2000, there could be as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as 29 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on the roads of Britain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
being encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
alternative forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
usage. I somewhat disagree with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, although the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is expanding, introducing international laws to limit the ownership of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
is not the answer.

The reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is that it gives them an independence on the roads.
In other words
, owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
gives you an advantage to travel wherever you want, without waiting for busses or trains. Establishing a law that suspends the Brits from this freedom would
be considered
a violation of human rights. In Beijing,
for example
, in the year 1998, there was a riot against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the new penalties against owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
were regarded
as contravention.

On the other hand
, the British authority should encourage its citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. If the busses, trains, and tubes would become free of charge, there is a chance those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to them.
Consequently
, this will decline the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
possession in the UK. In Tokyo, the Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
made all public means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
free for all social groups, and it is
currently
the city with the lowest rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
usage.

As a conclusion, although Britain can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measurements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem from growing, introducing new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things worse.
Instead
, they should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
, such as busses, trains, etc.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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