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Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. with this opinion? v. 1
Important scientific research should be managed and controlled by government instead of private companies, according to many people. I believe that private companies should be given freedom for research but with proper monitoring under government. First of all, it is true that scientific research should not be conducted only by government because scientific research is wide and diverse so only government can not find all the things which the private companies can do and they do research more efficiently due to sustain their company. For example, Thomas Alva Edison was an individual inventor who has contributed to whole world by the finding of light bulb. Secondly, barring private companies from research would slow down innovation and ultimately progress of our country and this may affect all people of nation. On the other hand, if research only in hands of private organizations then it could be harmful or detrimental for the country like research of atomic or nuclear bomb should be conducted with more protection and need proper and sufficient management. Moreover, some private companies are profit oriented and they think only of their monetary gain. They must be controlled, as some of them might do it for destructive weapons which could threaten the whole world peace so, this is the responsibility of government to stop this type of research and monitor them. In conclusion, I would say that, private companies should allow for research as it would help in progress of country. However, the research must be reviewed and monitored by government in order to prevent any misappropriation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should
be managed
and controlled by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with proper monitoring under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is true that scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should not
be conducted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is wide and diverse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can not find all the things which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
do and
they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
more
efficiently
due to sustain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For example
, Thomas Alva Edison was an individual inventor who has contributed to whole world by the finding of light bulb.
Secondly
, barring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
would slow down innovation and
ultimately
progress of our country and this may affect all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of nation.

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in hands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
organizations then it could be harmful or detrimental for the country like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
of atomic or nuclear bomb should
be conducted
with more protection and need proper and sufficient management.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are profit
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
oriented and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
of their monetary gain. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be controlled
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them might do it for destructive weapons which could threaten the whole world peace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, this is the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and monitor them.

In conclusion
, I would say that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
as it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in progress of country.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be reviewed
and monitored by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any misappropriation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS essay Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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