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The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. v.27

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. v. 27
As time goes by, the number of cars increases rapidly in all the world, especially in British, and several new sorts of transportation systems have appeared. However, if the governments are not able to rule the system, a huge number of difficulties will start to appear. I strongly agree with this point of view due to the horrible impact that will affect the peoples' lives and the world development. First of all, there are several reasons why the governments should focus on the road system, for example the number of cars and the number of people that are using them. If governments have not given any attention to that, problems like traffic jam and car accidents will increase. For instance, according to some researches, the average of the cars in 2000 in British was about 29 millions cars, that means it had increased sharply between 1888 and 2000, so if the country have not paid attention for this thing, the car accident will be increased in the future along with the number of the victims. In addition to that, it will be more and more difficult for the country to control the car's number after it have increased, so, if they started from now and put some low to supervision ownership, things will be easier. The second reason why it is important to encourage people to use other sorts of transportations, is that the country will not develop. In other words, the railway system has a huge effect on the peoples' life due to its ability to save their time and providing them more comfortable way for mobility. As a result of this, people will start to avoid using cars and began to depend on the railways, so their life will go faster and the world will develop in a quicker way. In conclusion, although the number of cars is still increasing, there are many possible ways to control it, like providing people new types of transport and putting some laws to rule the car ownership. However if the countries have not done an immediate reaction, problems such as, traffic jam, vehicle accidents and retreating in the world development will appear.
As time goes by, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
increases
rapidly
in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
especially
in British, and several new sorts of transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
have appeared.
However
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of difficulties will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to appear. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view due to the horrible impact that will affect the peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
development.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are several reasons why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should focus on the road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
,
for example
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are using them. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
any attention to that, problems like traffic jam and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
accidents will increase.
For instance
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches, the average of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in 2000 in British was about 29 millions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, that means it had increased
sharply
between 1888 and 2000,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have not paid attention for this thing, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
accident will
be increased
in the future along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the victims.
In addition
to that, it will be more and more difficult for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to control the car's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
after it have increased,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
low to supervision ownership, things will be easier.

The second reason why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other sorts of transportations, is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will not develop.
In other words
, the railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
has a huge effect on the peoples' life due to its ability to save their time and providing them more comfortable way for mobility.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to avoid using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and began to depend on the railways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their life will go faster and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
will develop in a quicker way.

In conclusion
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is
still
increasing, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible ways to control it, like providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
new types of transport and putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
ownership.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have not done an immediate reaction, problems such as, traffic jam, vehicle accidents and retreating in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
development will appear.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. v. 27

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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