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The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland.
News articles are one of the most useful sources for people to absorb information and gain knowledge. Yet in recent days, online and paper reports are flooded with controversial news about events in need of immediate solutions rather than other optimistic ones. Therefore, many people hold that this trend has a negative impact individually and consecutively. Accordingly, I strongly agree with their opinion for the following reasons. Firstly, it is undeniable that the media helps solve urgent problems quickly and effectively. This is because of its widespread influence on each person, which urges them to take action and prevent the negativity. For example, thanks to reports of the Amazon jungle’s fire in 2019, a fund of thousands of dollars was raised worldwide to stop the situation in just one week. Moreover, reporting crimes can help raise people’s awareness and avoid committing a similar act, which eventually makes society a better place. However, my belief is that thiss kind of news does more harm than good to us. For individuals who have been exposed to daily cruel, violent criminal cases might result in their misbehaviours. Honestly, we would prefer that our children can learn moral lessons from what they are reading rather than how to break from prison in details. Furthermore, a bias in emergent news leads to a misleading developing strategy. The society in such a case would only focus on dealing with short-term situations, neglecting a long-term plan for full improvement. To conclude, I believe that while it is beneficial to public heated problems, we should limit these pieces of information for their fruitless consequence on not only one but also many people of the community.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
articles are one of the most useful sources for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to absorb information and gain knowledge.
Yet
in recent days, online and paper reports
are flooded
with controversial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in need of immediate solutions
rather
than other optimistic ones.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold that this trend has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact
individually
and
consecutively
.
Accordingly
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with their opinion for the following reasons.

Firstly
, it is undeniable that the media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
solve urgent problems
quickly
and
effectively
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its widespread influence on each person, which urges them to take action and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the negativity.
For example
, thanks to reports of the Amazon jungle’s fire in 2019, a fund of thousands of dollars
was raised
worldwide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the situation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one week.
Moreover
, reporting crimes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness and avoid committing a similar act, which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
society a better place.

However
, my belief is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
thiss
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
does more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to us. For individuals who have
been exposed
to daily cruel, violent criminal cases might result in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
misbehaviours
.
Honestly
, we would prefer that our children can learn moral lessons from what they are reading
rather
than how to break from prison in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.
Furthermore
, a bias in emergent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
leads to a misleading developing strategy. The society in such a case would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on dealing with short-term situations, neglecting a long-term plan for full improvement.

To conclude
, I believe that while it is beneficial to public heated problems, we should limit these pieces of information for their fruitless consequence on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the community.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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