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Some people believe that children should attend extra classes after school while some disagree. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that children should attend extra classes after school while some disagree. v. 1
The world today has become a competitive place. People are competing against each other in order to achieve great heights and clearing competitive exams are a key soar such levels. Thus, to attain the required knowledge, tuitions have become a necessary evil today. Some people believe that children should attend extra classes after school. As revealed by statistics, the city of Kota is well-known for preparing students for appearing in competitive exams such as JEE and NEET. The majority of the top rankers are from the coaching institutions of Kota. As observed on a small scale tuitions are required mainly by introvert students who feel timid in solving their doubts in a populated class. Moreover, when some students lose their motivation in studies, tutors can boost up their morale and motivate them. Also, additional lectures act as a replacement for futile pursuits such as watching television for hours and playing video games. In this way the time is well utilised. On the other hand, some people are of the opinion that children should not attend extra lectures post school hours. To support this, the tuition teachers provide children with additional homework, which puts more burden on them. The time for recreation is, indeed, spent in extra classes which make children’ schedule more hectic. This results in increased stress levels among youngsters. Significantly, these classes are becoming a means of completing homework by students without even putting much effort into the studies. I strongly believe that youth must not be encouraged to take extra classes. As they depend more and more on tuitions, their mental capabilities are deteriorating with time. In my opinion, self study is the best kind of study. By doing self study students can acknowledge their areas of weakness and can develop the skills of analysing and solving problems. To conclude, it can be said that though children take additional classes for clear their doubts and get motivated yet it should not be turned into a necessity.
The world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has become a competitive place.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are competing against each other in order to achieve great heights and clearing competitive exams are a key soar such levels.
Thus
, to attain the required knowledge,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
have become a necessary evil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
after school. As revealed by statistics, the city of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kota
is well-known for preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for appearing in competitive exams such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
JEE
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
NEET
. The majority of the top
Possible spelling mistake found.
rankers
are from the coaching institutions of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kota
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
observed on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scale
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
are required
mainly
by introvert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who feel timid in solving their doubts in a populated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Moreover
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lose their motivation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, tutors can boost up their morale and motivate them.
Also
, additional lectures act as a replacement for futile pursuits such as watching television for hours and playing video games. In this way the time is well
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
lectures post school hours. To support this, the tuition teachers provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with additional homework, which puts more burden on them. The time for recreation is,
indeed
, spent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’
schedule more hectic. This results in increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels among youngsters.
Significantly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are becoming a means of completing homework by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
without even putting much effort into the studies.

I
strongly
believe that youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be encouraged
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. As they depend more and more on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
, their mental capabilities are deteriorating with time. In my opinion, self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is the best kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. By doing self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can acknowledge their areas of weakness and can develop the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
and solving problems.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their doubts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated
yet
it should not
be turned
into a necessity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should attend extra classes after school while some disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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