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Both governments and individuals are spending too much money protecting animals and their habitat This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society what extend do you agree or disagree v.1

Both governments and individuals are spending too much money protecting animals and their habitat This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society what extend v. 1
A few decades ago, women were not allowed to do jobs and were suppressed by society. Due to that most of the top-level positions were held by men. Later, the Government started implementing certain measures to eradicate the old customs and started working towards the upliftment of women in all aspects. Reservation is one of such measures and I strongly support the step. Some people think that empowering women by reserving some percentage of jobs is not necessary as women may not be suitable for high-level jobs. They think that women are not physically and mentally strong enough to carry out the stressful tasks. For instance, high-level administrative jobs in the government or private sector involve a lot of stress. Moreover, withholding some jobs will create gender discrimination to the opportunities. Some people who are best suitable for the job has to be rejected due to such reservations. However, empowering women will enable them to come out of the cocoon of traditions and live independently. In order to encourage them, some measures like reservation in education and employment are musts. They serve as a gateway for women to build their career and become role models in society. The government should also introduce new policies to save women from discrimination and allocate funds to provide higher education and employment. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the women reservation in all sectors, mainly employment and education. But, at the same time government should take proper measures, to make sure the policies be discontinued once we completely empower women, else it will result in gender bias towards the opportunities.
A few decades ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
were suppressed
by society. Due to that most of the top-level positions
were held
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. Later, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
implementing certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
to eradicate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
customs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working towards the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in all aspects. Reservation is one of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
and I
strongly
support the step.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that empowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
by reserving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is not necessary as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
may not be suitable for high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not
physically
and mentally strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to carry out the stressful tasks.
For instance
, high-level administrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or private sector involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Moreover
, withholding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will create gender discrimination to the opportunities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
A determiner is probably missing here: "are the best".
are best
suitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be rejected
due to such reservations.

However
, empowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will enable them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of the cocoon of traditions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
. In order to encourage them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
like reservation in education and employment are musts. They serve as a gateway for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to build their career and become role models in society. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
introduce new policies to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from discrimination and allocate funds to provide higher education and employment.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
reservation in all sectors,
mainly
employment and education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, at the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the policies
be discontinued
once we completely empower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, else it will result in gender bias towards the opportunities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Both governments and individuals are spending too much money protecting animals and their habitat This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society what extend v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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