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The figure gives information about smoking habits of the UK population by age. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Write an essay based on this task v.1

The figure gives information about smoking habits of the UK population by age.
Modern world today, both parents are working for the financial stability of the family. It is sometimes argued that the present generation parents do not find enough time to attend their child needs. I completely agree with this statement because of the full-time working and the nuclear family system are brought into this scenario. Firstly, one principle reason for the lack of attention is that both parents are working full time; therefore, they get a small amount of time at home. In other words, when a couple has a busy life schedule which minimize the quality time for the family affairs. Eventually, the younger ones in the family seem to suffer more because they would not get love, affection and consideration from their elder one. For instance, a recent research was conducted in Mumbai among the children of doctors's parents that clearly evident that the children get hardly 100 minutes with their parents in a day, which is an extremely small amount. Thus, this is clear that link between the modern lifestyle and insufficient time with their children. Secondly, another problem of today's lifestyle is that the small family norm. This means most families live separately from their in-laws and have only one child. Apart from this, for example, most of the time the child left alone either with a housemaid or a baby sitter instead of grandparents or relatives so they do not get parents 'guidance or an affectionate nurturing. Therefore, this trend also has a negative impact on our the youngster 's life. Finally, excessive use of the social media by parents in the family gives little time for the family, which means for their offsprings. Although some people think that these latest communication networks enhance the family relationships, in reality quite the opposite has been occurring. This has shaken the strength of the family ties. Take any evening situation of any house, the entire family would be glued on either the WhatsApp or the Facebook and they do not bother to speak each other. I thus, support the viewpoint of the parent -child relationship on the verge of extinction. In summary, many people consider the modern values and culture diminishes the family time and I convince the idea. However, it is advised that our society should be taken care of this situation effectively to tackle the challenge which arises from this trend.
Modern world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working for the financial stability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that the present generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to attend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
needs. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the full-time working and the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
system
are brought
into this scenario.

Firstly
, one
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
reason for the lack of attention is that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
;
therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.
In other words
, when a couple has a busy life schedule which minimize the quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
affairs.
Eventually
, the younger ones in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
seem to suffer more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, affection and consideration from their elder one.
For instance
, a recent research
was conducted
in Mumbai among the children of
Did you mean "doctor's" or "doctors'"?
doctors's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that
clearly
evident that the children
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'get'.
get hardly
100 minutes with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a day, which is an
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount.
Thus
, this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that link between the modern lifestyle and insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children.

Secondly
, another problem of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's lifestyle is that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
norm. This means most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
separately
from their in-laws and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Apart from this,
for example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone either with a housemaid or a baby sitter
instead
of grandparents or relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
'guidance or an affectionate nurturing.
Therefore
, this trend
also
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our the youngster 's life.

Finally
, excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the social media by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which means for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these latest communication networks enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships, in reality quite the opposite has been occurring. This has shaken the strength of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties. Take any evening situation of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
would
be glued
on either the WhatsApp or the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Facebook and
they do not bother to speak each other. I
thus
, support the viewpoint of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
-child
relationship on the verge of extinction.

In summary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider the modern values and culture diminishes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and I convince the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
However
, it
is advised
that our society should
be taken
care of this situation
effectively
to tackle the challenge which arises from this trend.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The figure gives information about smoking habits of the UK population by age.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
395 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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