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immigration has a major impact on the society. What are the main reasons of immigration? To what consequence can it lead? v.8

immigration has a major impact on the society. What are the main reasons of immigration? To what consequence can it lead? v. 8
Nowadays, governments and large corporations ought to cooperate in order to fix climate change issues instead of handing over the responsibility to individuals. In my opinion, I agree that both ought to work together, as they have the role and influence that can help to reverse the environmental problem quickly. A good reason why they need to collaborate is because of the fact that they have a higher role. Due to this, they hold certain power that allows them to establish new regulations and movements better than any individual actions. For instance, in early 1900, The Japanese Government decided to end coal productions and moved towards renewable and nuclear energies, which has caused a significant decrease in their air pollution levels and created many job opportunities. If the authorities decided to depend on the citizen, then it will be very unlikely to solve the matter quickly. Another point to consider is that they have the influence to encourage and educate the society. Since both governments and big companies are well-respected within a country, they will be able to spread the information, with regards to climate change, faster and better than others. Researchers discovered that environmentally-friendly countries such as Germany and Switzerland persuade their citizen to be more aware of the environment through advertisement, work compensation and providing bike racks in every building. In conclusion, both governments and corporations have to work together to solve the environmental issues, as they have the power and influence that can fix the matter immediately.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and large corporations ought to cooperate in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
issues
instead
of handing over the responsibility to individuals. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that both ought to work together, as they have the role and influence that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to reverse the environmental problem
quickly
.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why they need to collaborate is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
they have a higher role. Due to this, they hold certain power that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to establish new regulations and movements better than any individual actions.
For instance
, in early 1900, The Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
coal productions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
towards renewable and nuclear energies, which has caused a significant decrease in their air pollution levels and created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities. If the authorities decided to depend on the citizen, then it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unlikely to solve the matter
quickly
.

Another point to consider is that they have the influence to encourage and educate the society. Since both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are well-respected within a country, they will be able to spread the information,
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, faster and better than others. Researchers discovered that
environmentally
-friendly countries such as Germany and Switzerland persuade their citizen to be more aware of the environment through advertisement, work compensation and providing bike racks in every building.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and corporations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work together to solve the environmental issues, as they have the power and influence that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the matter immediately.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay immigration has a major impact on the society. What are the main reasons of immigration? To what consequence can it lead? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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