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The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in the society? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in the society? v. 1
It is believed that many individuals persist in smoking although they are aware of the hazards of this. This is due to societal pressure and this can be reduced by introducing an higher tariff on the product. Societal pressure is one of the major contributors to smoking. Most people want to feel and belong in certain social class and this makes them involve themselves in this vice. In a recent survey conducted by World health organization 60% of the youths in Nigeria today are either smoking or involved in drugs due to peer pressure. For example, I recently came across some young teens in a restaurant in lekki smoking tobacco and walked up to them to advice them about the dangers of smoking. In addition, another contributor is experimentation. Most of the chain smokers started out with experimenting and most times get hooked and become addicted. For instance, a recent survey in Northern Nigeria indicates that 80 percent of the youth got into smoking through experimentation. Smoking in the society can be reduced by firstly putting an higher tariff on the product. That is, when an individual want to purchase the product he would be charged the price for the cigarettes or tobacco and an additional 50 percent VAT on the product, this would discourage the individuals from purchasing it. Similarly, they should be a ban on advert of the product. Television, social media and the media in general should be made to stop any advert promoting the sale of cigarettes or tobacco on air. To conclude, smokers get addicted to tobacco and cigarettes by experimenting and also through societal pressure and this can be reduced by making the price of this product high and placing a ban on advertising the product.
It
is believed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals persist in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
although they are aware of the hazards of this. This is due to societal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by introducing
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
higher tariff on the product.

Societal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
is one of the major contributors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to feel and belong in certain social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them involve themselves in this vice. In a recent survey conducted by
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
World health organization
60% of the youths in Nigeria
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
or involved in drugs due to peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
.
For example
, I recently came across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young teens in a restaurant in
Possible spelling mistake found.
lekki
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
and walked up to them to advice them about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
In addition
, another contributor is experimentation. Most of the chain smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
out with experimenting and most times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hooked and become addicted.
For instance
, a recent survey in Northern Nigeria indicates that 80 percent of the youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
through experimentation.

Smoking in the society can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by
firstly
putting
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
higher tariff on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
That is
, when an individual want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
he would
be charged
the price for the cigarettes or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
and an additional 50 percent VAT on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, this would discourage the individuals from purchasing it.
Similarly
, they should be a ban on advert of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. Television, social media and the media
in general
should
be made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
any advert promoting the sale of cigarettes or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
on air.

To conclude
, smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
and cigarettes by experimenting and
also
through societal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by making the price of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
high and placing a ban on advertising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in the society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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