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There is a growing demand for freshwater nowadays and this is becoming aglobal problem. Discuss the possiblecauses for it. What measures can betaken by governments and individuals toovercome this problems? v.1

There is a growing demand for freshwater nowadays and this is becoming aglobal problem. Discuss the possiblecauses for it. What measures can betaken by governments and individuals toovercome this problems? v. 1
IT IS OFTEN ARGUE BY FEW FOLKS THAT WHEN YOU ARE AT YOUR ADOLESCENCE AGE, YOU WILL BE THE MOST HAPPIEST individual IN THE WORLD, WHERE AS REST OF THE INDIVIDUALS SAY THAT IN ADULTHOOD individual WILL FIND MORE peace of mind. THIS ESSAY WILL HAVE DIVERT VIEW ABOUT THE peace of mind ACCORDING TO AGE AS THIS WOULD BELIEVE TO HAVE HPPINESS AT EVERY STAGE OF LIFE WHETHER IS A TEENAG TIME OR THE ADULTHOOD. THEREFORE, THIS ESSAY WOULD DISCUSS WHY PEEPLE HAVE SUCH THINKING FROM BOTH POINT OF VIEWS. ON THE ONE HAND, THE PRIME REASON BEHIND THE TEENAGE HAPPIEST TIME IS THE NEW EXPERIENCE OF CHANGING HORMONES. AT THIS AGE, BODY REACTS WITH VARIOUS HORMONE TO MAKE CANHGES IN THE HUMAN BODY. HENCE, DUE TO THIS, THE BODY RELEASES THE GREAT SECRETION THAT HELPS A PERSON TO COOPERATE WITH THIS CHANGE. CONSEQUENTLY, AN INDIVIDUAL FEELS HAPPY WITH WHATEVER HE DOES. FOR EXAMPLE, THE HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY DEPARTMENT HAD STUDIED THIS NEW CHANGE AND REVEALED THAT CHILDREN IN BETWEEN 18 TO 20 YEAR OF AGE ARE HIGHLY ENTHUSIASTIC AND HEALTHY AS THEY DO THEIR WORK ITH ALL HEART. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE MAJOR CAUSE OF THE HAPPINESS AT ADULTHOOD IS THE capability. WHEN ONE HAS ENOUGH UNDERSTANDING AND capability TO HANDLE THE UNEXPECTED THINGS IN LIVELIHOOD THEN, ONE COULD ABLE TO STOP HIM TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS. AS A RESULT, WHEN VICTORY COMES TIME AUTOMATICALLY BECOME THE BEST PERIOD IN THE LIFE. FOR INSTANCE, ACCORDING TO THE AMERICAN UNIVERSITY SURVEY, 70% PEOPLE AGE BETWEEN 20TH IS THE MOST HAPPIEST PEOPLE OWNING TO THE ACHIEVEMENTS THROUGH THE ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE OF THE capability. IN CONCLUSION, HAPPINESS INDEED BASED ON THE MATURITY OF THE PERSON. HOWEVER, TEENAGE AND ADULT AGE ARE THE BOTH PLAY EN ESSENTIAL ROLE TO MAKE AN INDIVIDUAL MATURE ENOUGH TO FEEL PERSFECT AND COMPLETE WITH WHAT HE HAS.
IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
ARGUE BY FEW FOLKS THAT WHEN YOU ARE AT YOUR ADOLESCENCE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
, YOU WILL BE THE
Use only "HAPPIEST" (without 'MOST') when you use the superlative.
MOST HAPPIEST
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
IN THE WORLD,
Did you mean "WHEREAS"?
WHERE AS
REST OF THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
INDIVIDUALS
SAY THAT IN ADULTHOOD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
WILL FIND MORE peace of mind. THIS ESSAY WILL HAVE
Use past participle here: "diverted".
DIVERT
VIEW ABOUT THE peace of mind ACCORDING TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
AS THIS WOULD BELIEVE TO HAVE
Possible spelling mistake found.
HPPINESS
AT EVERY STAGE OF LIFE WHETHER IS A
Possible spelling mistake found.
TEENAG
TIME OR THE ADULTHOOD.
THEREFORE
, THIS ESSAY WOULD DISCUSS WHY
Possible spelling mistake found.
PEEPLE
HAVE SUCH THINKING FROM BOTH POINT OF VIEWS.

ON THE ONE HAND, THE PRIME REASON BEHIND THE TEENAGE HAPPIEST TIME IS THE NEW EXPERIENCE OF CHANGING HORMONES. AT THIS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
, BODY REACTS WITH VARIOUS HORMONE TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
Possible spelling mistake found.
CANHGES
IN THE HUMAN BODY.
HENCE
, DUE TO THIS, THE BODY RELEASES THE GREAT SECRETION THAT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELPS
A PERSON TO COOPERATE WITH THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGE
.
CONSEQUENTLY
, AN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
INDIVIDUAL
FEELS HAPPY WITH WHATEVER HE DOES.
FOR EXAMPLE
, THE HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY DEPARTMENT HAD STUDIED THIS NEW
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGE
AND REVEALED THAT CHILDREN IN
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "BETWEEN 18 and 20".
BETWEEN 18 TO 20
YEAR OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
ARE
HIGHLY
ENTHUSIASTIC AND HEALTHY AS THEY DO THEIR WORK
Possible spelling mistake found.
ITH ALL
HEART.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, THE MAJOR CAUSE OF THE HAPPINESS AT ADULTHOOD IS THE capability. WHEN ONE HAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
UNDERSTANDING AND capability TO HANDLE THE UNEXPECTED THINGS IN LIVELIHOOD THEN, ONE COULD ABLE TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STOP
HIM TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS.
AS A RESULT
, WHEN VICTORY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COMES
TIME
AUTOMATICALLY
BECOME THE BEST PERIOD IN THE LIFE.
FOR INSTANCE
, ACCORDING TO THE AMERICAN UNIVERSITY SURVEY, 70%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
BETWEEN 20TH IS THE
Use only "HAPPIEST" (without 'MOST') when you use the superlative.
MOST HAPPIEST
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
OWNING TO THE ACHIEVEMENTS THROUGH THE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
KNOWLEDGE OF THE capability.

IN CONCLUSION
, HAPPINESS
INDEED
BASED ON THE MATURITY OF THE PERSON.
HOWEVER
, TEENAGE AND ADULT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
ARE THE BOTH PLAY EN ESSENTIAL ROLE TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
AN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
INDIVIDUAL
MATURE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
TO FEEL
Possible spelling mistake found.
PERSFECT
AND COMPLETE WITH WHAT HE HAS.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay There is a growing demand for freshwater nowadays and this is becoming aglobal problem. Discuss the possiblecauses for it. What measures can betaken by governments and individuals toovercome this problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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