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The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is less important now than it was in past v.1

The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is less important now than it was in past v. 1
Generally, a minimum number of individuals receive very large income pay in some nations. The reason behind this could be attributed to some factors. I am strongly in support of the opinion that being entitled to a large income by a few members of the society will be of great benefits to a nation; meanwhile, some other hold firmly to the believe; that government should regulate and place restrictions on the amount of salaries one is entitled to. To begin with, there will be a drastic increase in the economy of a country, particularly in the area of infrastructure. This is because, tax will be remitted on pay as you earn; in that case citizens whose wages are robust will in return increase a country's revenue. An example of this, is the recent study carried out by the Texas research committee. Where it was shown that 70% of tax makes up the United States net worth. However, the opposition view which believes that, wages should be regulated could be tied to societies with very low minimum wage. The idea that some citizens are paid below the standard requirements while others are over paid has a huge impact on its net worth. The resulting effect of this can lead to abject poverty and high crime rate. Nigeria is a typical example based on the last study carried out; it was ranked 3rd poor nation. Secondly, creative innovations will be supported and encouraged. In conclusion, very high income will not only be beneficial to a society, but also to the members who will live happily and comfortably. Therefore, administrative authorities should encourage foreign investment within its territory.
Generally
, a minimum number of individuals receive
very
large income pay in
some
nations. The reason behind this could
be attributed
to
some
factors. I am
strongly
in support of the opinion that
being entitled
to a large income by a few members of the society will be of great benefits to a nation; meanwhile,
some
other hold
firmly
to the
believe
; that
government
should regulate and place restrictions on the amount of salaries one
is entitled
to.

To
begin
with, there will be a drastic increase in the economy of a country,
particularly
in the area of infrastructure. This is
because
, tax will
be remitted
on pay as you earn;
in that case
citizens whose wages are robust will in return increase a country's revenue. An example of this, is the recent study carried out by the Texas research committee.
Where
it
was shown
that 70% of tax
makes
up the United States net worth.

However
, the opposition view which believes that, wages should
be regulated
could
be tied
to societies with
very
low minimum wage. The
idea
that
some
citizens
are paid
below the standard requirements while others are over paid has a huge impact on its net worth. The resulting effect of this can lead to abject poverty and high crime rate. Nigeria is a typical example based on the last study carried out; it
was ranked
3rd poor nation.
Secondly
, creative innovations will
be supported
and encouraged.

In conclusion
,
very
high income will not
only
be beneficial to a society,
but
also
to the members who will
live
happily
and
comfortably
.
Therefore
, administrative authorities should encourage foreign investment within its territory.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is less important now than it was in past v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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