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218. Your friend has to decide between a talking parrot and or a tortoise. Which pet would you advise her to choose and why? v.1

218. Your friend has to decide between a talking parrot and or a tortoise. Which pet would you advise her to choose and why? v. 1
Many people consider that awarding a longer sentence to a criminal will lessen the crime rate. However, some people think that there could be other efficient ways to reduce crime. In my opinion, it is always better to keep psychologically unstable criminals behind the bars. However, those guilty people who reflect on their mistakes should be treated differently. Firstly, all the criminals should be regularly examined by a psychologist to understand their mental behaviour. The criminals with a tendency to commit repeated crimes should get a life long sentence. These people are a threat to the society and even to themselves, as they are bound to commit the crime again, if released early. For instance, I recently read in the news that a rapist, who was released early, committed the same crime again within 24 hours of the release. However, a few people who commit crimes by mistake, and realize their wrong doing, should be given an opportunity to reform themselves. There are many ways to punish people for their crime, depending on the severity of the crime. For example, community service could be one of the options, which has widely been used in western countries, as punishment for various crimes. Moreover, making guilty people work towards the betterment of the mankind is better for the society as well as for the person. In conclusion, I would strongly say that the criminals with a negative criminal history and an unstable mind frame should be held longer in the prison. But at the same time, people who commit minor crimes and possess good behaviour should be penalized in different ways, so that they can live a respectful life later and give something back to the community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that awarding a longer sentence to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
will lessen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there could be other efficient ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In my opinion, it is always better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
psychologically
unstable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
behind the bars.
However
, those guilty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reflect on their mistakes should
be treated
differently
.

Firstly
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
should be
regularly
examined by a psychologist to understand their mental
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
with a tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
repeated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a life long sentence. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are a threat to the society and even to themselves, as they
are bound
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again, if released early.
For instance
, I recently read in the news that a rapist,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was released
early, committed the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again within 24 hours of the release.

However
, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by mistake, and realize their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doing, should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to reform themselves. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, depending on the severity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For example
, community service could be one of the options, which has
widely
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in western countries, as punishment for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Moreover
, making guilty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work towards the betterment of the mankind is better for the society
as well
as for the person.

In conclusion
, I would
strongly
say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
history and an unstable mind frame should
be held
longer in the prison.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and possess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
should
be penalized
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a respectful life later and give something back to the community.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 218. Your friend has to decide between a talking parrot and or a tortoise. Which pet would you advise her to choose and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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