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TPO 21 - Question 2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Your friends are the most important influence in your life. Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v.1

TPO 21 - Question 2 : Your friends are the most important influence in your life. Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v. 1
After having a hectic schedule, people tend to get away from it all in the summer by going on a holiday. Therefore, the number of tourists often grows rapidly, which has two-sided influences. Government and residents are the one to realize the impact of mass tourism on different nations where visitors have been through. It is true that tourists may affect negated in some cases, but they still have definite advantages. Thanks to the growth of foreign visitors, the level of unemployment goes down, more and more people are now occupied by being a tour guide or an office worker in a tourism service office. Also, it is the base for indigenous residents to exchange the culture from each other which is immensely crucial to the tendency of globalization nowadays. For instance, people likely to learn more languages because they believe that languages will cross the border and get others closer by making events related to those cultures. Both benefits mentioned above promote all help the development of the national economy due to the tourist attractions mushroom and the similarity, ease when catches something originated in their countries. However, mass tourism can take its toll on the local sites and the environment. In order to attract more tourists, pristine areas are now filled with luxury hotels, resorts and tourism service places due to the need for more accommodation. In addition, not only the environment is adversely affected, but also local sites either. Overseas travellers may vandalize the heritage by littering, graffiti and so one which cause the historic buildings severely run-down. As a result, we need to take some methods to halt the level of tourist effects on countries. First, we should put warning signs in front of local sites for bar tourists from touching, coming close or doing harm to statues, historic sites and so on. Second, raising entrance fees for some tourist attractions such as Son Doong Cave, which is now in process of run down, to limit the number of visitors. The last one, we should bring in new tourism laws to restrict the entrance (visa, ID card, papers, . . . ) And consider rough punishment for those who break the laws. In conclusion, it is important for tourists to handle the negative effects that each of them make. And the way to reduce that problem is tourists have to show good attitude wherever they are.
After having a hectic schedule,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from it all in the summer by going on a holiday.
Therefore
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
grows
rapidly
, which has two-sided influences.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and residents are the one to realize the impact of mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations where visitors have been through.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
may affect negated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
advantages. Thanks to the growth of foreign visitors, the level of unemployment goes down, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
occupied by being a tour guide or an office worker in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
service office.
Also
, it is the base for indigenous residents to exchange the culture from each other which is
immensely
crucial to the tendency of globalization nowadays.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
likely to learn more languages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that languages will cross the border and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
others closer by making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
related to those cultures. Both benefits mentioned above promote all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the development of the national economy due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attractions mushroom and the similarity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
when catches something originated in their countries.
However
, mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
can take its toll on the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and the environment. In order to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, pristine areas are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
filled with luxury hotels, resorts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
service places due to the need for more accommodation.
In addition
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the environment is
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
either. Overseas
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
may vandalize the heritage by littering, graffiti and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one which cause the historic buildings
severely
run-down.

As a result
, we need to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods to halt the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
effects on countries.
First
, we should put warning signs in front of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from touching, coming close or doing harm to statues, historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Second, raising entrance fees for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attractions such as Son
Possible spelling mistake found.
Doong
Cave, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in process of run down, to limit the number of visitors. The last one, we should bring in new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
laws to restrict the entrance (visa, ID card, papers
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
And consider rough punishment for those who break the laws.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to handle the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that each of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. And the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
that problem is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attitude wherever they are.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 21 - Question 2 : Your friends are the most important influence in your life. Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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