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"The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from schools. " To what extent do you agree with this statement and why? v.1

"The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from schools. " v. 1
In the modern world, music is considered as one of the stress relievers tools. Some people believe that the traditional music is best and should be cherished, whereas, other group thought that international music adds variety and should be promoted to bring people closer across globe. In my opinion, people should respect to the individual preference as this is a matter of an individual’s like and dislike. This essay will discuss both sides of this argument and come up with an opinion. Traditional tune is the soul of the local people, which connects the people with their history and depth of their culture. It is a sense of pride for them and respect to their ancestors. Especially, people in small towns are very closed to their tune and celebrated most of their rituals with traditional songs. For example, In India, people have four different functions in marriages which spread across a week's time, for a particular type of opera People felt pride in their music and consider nourishment of it as their responsibility. However, International music provided new dimensions to the tune. It is obvious for people to get bored from traditional melody and they start looking forward for something new. International singing addresses this requirement of people. Music is not only about the sound variations, rather it carries the culture of the region. It is a great source to bind people of different backgrounds and connect them beyond the borders. For example, singing of Michael Jackson and Jennifer unites the people across countries. It is important mean to bring people on the same platform and take them towards peace and harmony. To sum up, both traditional and international melody has their own importance and role play. Same tune is traditional in one part of the globe and international in another part of the globe. I believe it should be left to individual choice and provide them the freedom to choose their ways of entertainment and relaxation.
In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is considered
as one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
relievers tools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is best and should
be cherished
, whereas, other group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
variety and should
be promoted
to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer across globe. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should respect to the individual preference as this is a matter of an individual’s like and dislike. This essay will discuss both sides of this argument and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with an opinion.

Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tune
is the soul of the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which connects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their history and depth of their culture. It is a sense of pride for them and respect to their ancestors.
Especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
closed to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tune
and celebrated most of their rituals with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
songs.
For example
, In India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
functions in marriages which spread across a week's time, for a particular type of opera
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
felt pride in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and consider nourishment of it as their responsibility.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
provided new dimensions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tune
. It is obvious for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
melody and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
looking forward for something new.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
singing addresses this requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about the sound variations,
rather
it carries the culture of the region. It is a great source to bind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds and connect them beyond the borders.
For example
, singing of Michael Jackson and Jennifer unites the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across countries. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
mean to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the same platform and take them towards peace and harmony.

To sum up, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
melody has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
role play
. Same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tune
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
in one part of the globe and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
in another part of the globe. I believe it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to individual choice and provide them the freedom to choose their ways of entertainment and relaxation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay "The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from schools. " v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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