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"The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from schools. " To what extent do you agree with this statement and why? v.2

"The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from schools. " v. 2
In order to thrive as a human being one can not succeed without the aid of education. There are many places that can provide you with such help in learning and studying to be a better person academically and ethically, such as schools or even you own family. Many people may argue that the education which you receive from your family is much more important that the one you can get from school. My thoughts on this are totally different and this essay will outline some of the arguments I would like to present. Firstly, it would be impossible for anyone to become a doctor or a lawyer without going to school. Schools teach us the required academic skills and knowledge we need to practice these professions. More than that, these valuable subjects are always up-to-date, so you will always be ready for what are waiting ahead in your career. On the other hand, not only do school provide those, they also give you the degree and certificate you need to prove that you are qualified at what you are doing. You may learn the knowledge and skills from one or both of your parents provided that they also work in the same field, but you can never get the needed pieces of paper the schools can give. Secondly, in schools, you can learn much more than those academic skills, things like public speaking or teamwork can never be taught in the comfort of your home. These are the things your can only learn where there are a lot of people, places like schools. Other than that, the people who will be teaching you are certified teachers who know what they are doing, so you can understand and absorb these skills much faster than practicing with your family. Besides, the environment you get when practice at school is certainly by far better than your house. The points above can only prove that the education schools can give you is somewhat better than the one you can get from your family, not that your family is not important. What family can give us are the love and support which are the most important thing in life, and they are totally different from education. To conclude, the main point of the essay is to prove that the education from schools is far more important than the one family we receive from our family, as they provide us with the academic skills, the knowledge and more than that, the certificates in order to pursue careers in academic fields. In additions to that, schools can teach us the soft skills wee need to thrive in life. On the other hand, what we receive from our family, which are the love and support, are crucial too.
In order to thrive as a human being one can not succeed without the aid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places that can provide you with such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in learning and studying to be a better person
academically
and
ethically
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or even you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which you receive from your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that the one you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. My thoughts on this are
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and this essay will outline
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
arguments I would like to present.

Firstly
, it would be impossible for anyone to become a doctor or a lawyer without going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
teach us the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and knowledge we need to practice these professions. More than that, these valuable subjects are always up-to-date,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you will always be ready for what are waiting ahead in your career.
On the other hand
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provide those, they
also
give you the degree and certificate you need to prove that you
are qualified
at what you are doing. You may learn the knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from one or both of your parents provided that they
also
work in the same field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you can never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the needed pieces of paper the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can give.

Secondly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, you can learn much more than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, things like public speaking or teamwork can never
be taught
in the comfort of your home. These are the things your can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn where there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, places like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Other than that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who will be teaching you
are certified
teachers who know what they are doing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can understand and absorb these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
much faster than practicing with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Besides
, the environment you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
when practice at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
certainly
by far better than your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

The points above can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prove that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can give you
The pronoun 'you' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "am", "are", "aren"
is
somewhat better than the one you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, not that your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. What
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can give us are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and support which are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing in life, and they are
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from education.

To conclude
, the main point of the essay is to prove that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is far more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
we receive from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, as they provide us with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, the knowledge and more than that, the certificates in order to pursue careers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
fields. In additions to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can teach us the soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
wee need to thrive in life.
On the other hand
, what we receive from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and support, are crucial too.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay "The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from schools. " v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
461 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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