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The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features make comparisons where relevant. https: //www v.1

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
An increasing number of people today opt to work for themselves instead of looking for a job because of the income and lifestyle that self-employment may potentially provide. Smart people with ideas and initiative do not have to wait for a promotion at work and are free to implement their ideas as fast as they like while getting all the revenue their business receives for themselves. That means that some self-employed people earn significantly more money than those with similar experience working for a salary. Moreover, not having a boss means that people can choose their working hours and number of holidays, among other things. Not surprisingly, more and more people are leaving the safety of a salaried job to become self-employed. Despite the obvious appeal, being self-employed is riskier than working for someone else, from a financial perspective. As long as the company is operating, its employees are guaranteed a certain salary every month. Furthermore, in the UK and other developed countries, companies provide their staff with certain benefits, such as a pension, paid holidays, and sick leave, which are not available for the self-employed. The multitude of issues self-employed people, have to manage often causes stress and anxiety, which is only aggravated by financial uncertainty. The research shows that self-employed people on average experience a higher level of stress that those in full-time employment and find it more difficult to switch off from their work life. To conclude, more and more people are becoming self-employed, choosing the flexibility and unlimited potential it provides. On the downside, these people are not guaranteed with any income or support during an illness or in advanced age and have to take full responsibility for themselves.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
opt to work for themselves
instead
of looking for a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the income and lifestyle that self-employment may
potentially
provide. Smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and initiative do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for a promotion at work and are free to implement their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as they like while getting all the revenue their business receives for themselves. That means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
self-employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn
significantly
more money than those with similar experience working for a salary.
Moreover
, not having a boss means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can choose their working hours and number of holidays, among other things. Not
surprisingly
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are leaving the safety of a salaried job to become self-employed.

Despite the obvious appeal, being self-employed is riskier than working for someone else, from a financial perspective. As long as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is operating, its employees
are guaranteed
a certain salary every month.
Furthermore
, in the UK and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide their staff with certain benefits, such as a pension, paid holidays, and sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, which are not available for the self-employed.

The multitude of issues self-employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
aggravated by financial uncertainty. The research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that self-employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on average experience a higher level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that those in full-time employment and find it more difficult to switch off from their work life.

To conclude
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming self-employed, choosing the flexibility and unlimited potential it provides. On the downside, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not guaranteed with any income or support during an illness or in advanced age and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take full responsibility for themselves.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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