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The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why? v.1

The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. v. 1
It is true that people are judged based on their social dignity and personal wealth nowadays, and traditional values such as integrity and honesty are being forgotten. To a certain extent, I would agree with the fact that people are valued based on their wealth and status these days, but I also believe that old fashioned values still play an important part in our society It is believed that we are living in the pop culture and the materialistic era these days, as the public judge each individual based on his/her social status and wealth. It can be seen from how celebrities become famous nowadays. Many celebrities have been popular because of their physical appearance and such Kim Kardashian. Her reality television program never shows any world class acting quality, but only shows about her luxurious mansions and fancy cars. And then there are other celebrities who are well known due to his/her social dignity as the son or the daughter of a wealthy family. One of the examples would be Paris Hilton. Indeed, she has many bad attitudes, she is still popular because she inherits the assets of her parents. Although traditional values such as respect others, being responsible, honesty and integrity seem to be forgotten nowadays, but they still play an important part in many communities. In common cases, employers are still assessing their potential employees based their hard working attitude, positive behaviour and their integrity. And then business people are still looking for business partners who are reliable, can be trusted, and dependable. Therefore, it is important for adults to educate their children about these positive values because they still play an essential part in the societies.
It is true that
people
are judged
based on their social dignity and personal wealth nowadays, and traditional values such as integrity and honesty are
being forgotten
. To a certain extent, I would
agree with the fact that
people
are valued
based on their wealth and status these days,
but
I
also
believe that
old fashioned
values
still
play an
important
part in our
society


It
is believed
that we are living in the pop culture and the materialistic era these days, as the public judge each individual based on his/her social status and wealth. It can be
seen
from how celebrities become
famous
nowadays.
Many
celebrities have been popular
because
of their physical appearance and such Kim Kardashian. Her reality television program never
shows
any world
class
acting quality,
but
only
shows
about her luxurious mansions and fancy cars. And then there are other celebrities who are well known due to his/her social dignity as the son or the daughter of a wealthy family. One of the examples would be Paris Hilton.
Indeed
, she has
many
bad
attitudes, she is
still
popular
because
she inherits the assets of her parents.

Although traditional values such as respect others, being responsible, honesty and integrity seem to
be forgotten
nowadays,
but
they
still
play an
important
part in
many
communities. In common cases, employers are
still
assessing their potential employees based their
hard working
attitude,
positive
behaviour
and their integrity. And then business
people
are
still
looking for business partners who are reliable, can
be trusted
, and dependable.
Therefore
, it is
important
for adults to educate their children about these
positive
values
because
they
still
play an essential part in the societies.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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