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The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why? v.2

The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. v. 2
Nowadays, education has become very necessary in everyone's life as it teaches everything required for modern human to live happily. There are a wide variety of sources to get educated like schools, internet and also from older people. Nonetheless, some people believe that the information from family is more important compared to that of from schools. To some extent I agree with this point of view and In this essay I will explain my opinion with supporting examples. Firstly, education from schools is very much informative and deep. What I mean by this is that the concepts delivered from teachers are in order and explanatory, they know very well what to teach their students. For example, first grade student will be taught basic spellings and not high level maths. Everything they follow have a definite structure and are well proven. The Information is not only about reading books, students get to know more about the outside world and they happily participate in a wide range of external activities. As a result of this exposure they will get to know what they should do when they grow. Additionally, they also get certified when they pass the exams. This can also help children to select the appropriate field of study such as engineering or law when they leave school. On the other side of the argument, education from family is restricted to the experience and discipline. If a family has some skill which is not found anywhere, then this helps their members to get excelled. Take poetry, for example, It is a skill and can be transferred from the family. There are many skills like art and the agriculture which people get only from their elders. Apart from skills people also can learn the values and traditions of the family, which are not completely taught in the outside world. If children rely only on these teachings they completely lag in the modern world where science and technology are key players. In conclusion, education from family is very important as they teach values, customs and traditions, but it should not be the only source. The school provides different concepts in a structured manner and are well documented and graded. I think a mix of teachings from school and family is required to balance modern problems and old skills and customs, but the concepts from schools overweigh family teaching as they provide a wide range of academic and increases exposure.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary in everyone's life as it teaches everything required for modern human to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
. There are a wide variety of sources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, internet and
also
from older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the information from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
compared to that of from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my opinion with supporting examples.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much informative and deep. What I mean by this is that the concepts delivered from teachers are in order and explanatory, they know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well what to teach their students.
For example
,
first
grade student will
be taught
basic spellings and not high level
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
. Everything they follow have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
structure and are well proven. The Information is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
about reading books, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know more about the outside
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they
happily
participate in a wide range of external activities.
As a result
of this exposure they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know what they should do when they grow.
Additionally
, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
certified when they pass the exams. This can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to select the appropriate field of study such as engineering or law when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
school.

On the other side of the argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is restricted
to the experience and discipline. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
which is not found anywhere, then this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
their members to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excelled. Take poetry,
for example
, It is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and can
be transferred
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like art and the agriculture which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
from their elders. Apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
can learn the values and traditions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which are not completely taught in the outside world. If children rely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
on these teachings they completely lag in the modern world where science and technology are key players.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as they teach values, customs and traditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
source. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
concepts
Consider replacing "in a structured manner" with the adverb for "structured"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a structured manner
and are well documented and graded. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a mix of teachings from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is required
to balance modern problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and customs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the concepts from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
teaching as they provide a wide range of academic and increases exposure.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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