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Some people think that they can be fit by going to gym, while other think that there are other better way to remain fit. Discuss both the views with your opinion. v.1

Some people think that they can be fit by going to gym, while other think that there are other better way to remain fit. v. 1
There are those who think going to the gym is the best way to stay in shape while others disagree. In this essay, I am going to examine both points of view and then give my perspective on the matter. On one side of the argument, there are people who believe the benefits of exercising at gym is considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is that trainers working in gyms are specialists of bodybuilding; they know the most effective way to make a beautiful body shape in the short term. It is also possible to say that gyms have every equipment that is prepared for individuals’ purpose. A good illustration of this is when professional wrestlers need to be fit and pumped they always go to gym to use numerous exercise machines. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that in fact nowadays YouTubers are replacing gyms by introducing an enormous number of home exercising. People often this opinion because they believe that so many famous former or present movie stars are instructing in many channels. A second point is that actually doing cardio exercise such as running or cycling is way more essential to be thinner; there are so many healthy people who have gorgeous bodies would run or ride bicycle on the daily basis. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however I feel that going to gym to be fit is the best suited way for me because there are exemplary and qualified trainers, and even athletes go to gym to use a lot of exercising equipment. Given this situation, it is recommended for people to have a spirit, go to the gym regularly, and make a good relation whip with trainers.
There are those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is the best way to stay in shape while others disagree. In this essay, I am going to examine both points of view and then give my perspective on the matter.

On one side of the argument, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe the benefits of exercising at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is
considerably
Consider using a past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
its disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is that trainers working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
are specialists of bodybuilding; they know the most effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
body shape in the short term. It is
also
possible to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
have every equipment that
is prepared
for individuals’ purpose. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is when professional wrestlers need to
be fit
and pumped they always go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
numerous exercise machines.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that in fact nowadays YouTubers are replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
by introducing an enormous number of home exercising.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
former or present movie stars are instructing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
channels. A second point is that actually doing cardio exercise such as running or cycling is way more essential to be thinner; there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have gorgeous bodies would run or ride bicycle on the daily basis.

In conclusion
, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
I feel that going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
to
be fit
is the best suited way for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are exemplary and qualified trainers, and even athletes go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
exercising equipment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it
is recommended
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a spirit, go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
regularly
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relation whip with trainers.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that they can be fit by going to gym, while other think that there are other better way to remain fit. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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