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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.10

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 10
In 2030, the global average life expectancy will reach over 80. Since the initial existence of human being, we have witnessed the growth of population as well as the length of time people are likely to live, which is presently damaging the economy abominably. This is a seriously alarming concern to a wide range of developed countries, due to their high living standards; however, the government are taking preparations against this. Irreparable worry had been brought about by the rise of our living period owing to the manpower shortages. Having a great quality of life proves people that retirement is the time to enjoy the fruits of their labours; as a consequence, their reproductions are not focused. An excellent example would be that Germany, whose reproduction rate is acutely low, are always looking for the foreign viable human resources from developing countries. But, in my opinion, these countries will find the best antidote to brain drain and thus the developed ones have to anticipate this dilemma before it arises. Tracing the roots of this longevity directs us to the increase of living standards. The high average life expectancy can be attributed to three major factors and there are education, health care, and welfare. To exemplify, in Germany, the tuition fees from primary to the higher education is almost free or nearly negligible, that is why it is the best ideal destination for student overseas. It can be obviously seen that the high living standard, indeed longevity, is worldwide trend; ergo, a quick fix to this now is also necessary. While the complication is seemingly insurmountable the same is not left with no viable answer to it and primary of which is extending retirement age. This can deal with the lack of labour and additionally, thanks to the advancement of medicine, aged people can still keep their creation and productivity. To illustrate this point, in Vietnam, some elderly work traditional job, for instance, pedicab riding, water puppet, and so on, and this contributes to protecting the national culture. All above points considered, the dilemma of upturn in average life expectancy because of the welfare benefits are absolutely solved through the implementation of laws, metaphorically speaking, diamond cut diamond
In 2030, the global average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy will reach over 80. Since the initial existence of human being, we have witnessed the growth of population
as well
as the length of time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, which is
presently
damaging the economy
abominably
. This is a
seriously
alarming concern to a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, due to their high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards;
however
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are taking preparations against this.

Irreparable worry had
been brought
about by the rise of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
period owing to the manpower shortages. Having a great quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
proves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that retirement is the time to enjoy the fruits of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
; as a consequence, their reproductions are not focused. An excellent example would be that Germany, whose reproduction rate is
acutely
low, are always looking for the foreign viable human resources from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my opinion, these countries will find the best antidote to brain drain and
thus
the developed ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
anticipate this dilemma
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it arises.

Tracing the roots of this longevity directs us to the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards. The high average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy can
be attributed
to three major factors and there are education, health care, and welfare. To exemplify, in Germany, the tuition fees from primary to the higher education is almost free or
nearly
negligible,
that is
why it is the best ideal destination for student overseas. It can be
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standard,
indeed
longevity, is worldwide trend; ergo, a quick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is
also
necessary.

While the complication is
seemingly
insurmountable the same is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no viable answer to it and primary of which is extending retirement age. This can deal with the lack of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
and
additionally
, thanks to the advancement of medicine, aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their creation and productivity. To illustrate this point, in Vietnam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elderly work traditional job,
for instance
, pedicab riding, water puppet, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, and this contributes to protecting the national culture.

All above points considered, the dilemma of upturn in average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the welfare benefits are
absolutely
solved through the implementation of laws,
metaphorically
speaking, diamond
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
diamond
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
366 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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