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The diagrams below give information about internet use in different world regions of the world v.2

The diagrams below give information about internet use in different world regions of the world v. 2
The pie chart provides data on the usage of Internet from various world compared to different age groups. The bar chart illustrates the purposes for using the Internet. It is clear that Asia have the highest proportion of Internet use. Unlike other regions around the world, Middle East did not use the internet. Asian and European users are alike in that they enjoy using the internet. In addition, Asian and European are 44. 8 percent ans 22. 1 percent respectively. Similarly, a large proportion of Internet use is of European users which represented about a quarter of the total percentage, whereas Internet users in Middle East constituted under a third of all the percentage of Internet users. On the other hand, both of Africa and Latin users account under a tenth of the total percentage respectively. Unlike other Internet users, only a small segment of the total percentage of Internet users is of North America with more than a tenth of the total percentage. The bar chart gives the majority of purposes for using the internet is instant messaging with about three quarters of all the percentage of Internet usage, likewise, there is a sharp rise for online video. Unlike other reasons, only a small segment of all the total proportion is postcards with more than 25 percent. The portion of music and social networking are very similar, they both account for under two quarters of all total proportion.
The pie chart provides data on the usage of Internet from various world compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups. The bar chart illustrates the purposes for using the Internet.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Asia have the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
regions around the world, Middle East did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet.

Asian and European
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users
are alike in that they enjoy using the internet.
In addition
, Asian and European are 44. 8 percent ans 22. 1 percent
respectively
.
Similarly
, a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is of European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
which represented about a quarter of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
, whereas Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Middle East".
in Middle East
constituted under a third of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, both of Africa and Latin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
account under a tenth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
respectively
. Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
segment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
is of North America with more than a tenth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
. The bar chart gives the majority of purposes for using the internet is instant messaging with about three quarters of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of Internet usage,
likewise
, there is a sharp rise for online video. Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
segment of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
is postcards with more than 25 percent. The portion of music and social networking are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar, they both account for under two quarters of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay The diagrams below give information about internet use in different world regions of the world v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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