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2. Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to? v.2

2. Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to? v. 2
Many may argue that successful persons come from successful regions and that a favorable environment can make anyone a successful person. But every successful person once originated from the native regions. It is a person’s determination, capability and attitude that he possesses which makes him a successful person. Native regions can play detrimental role in the life of a person because of the education and the environment and people they are surrounded with which my impact leadership and social skills. Such qualities are possessed by one in a certain period of time from his experience. For example, MK Gandhi, learned the leadership skills he possessed from his childhood. It is not the native region that holds back a person from success but the persons determination and willingness to learn and prosper. Moving to other places introduces an individual to new ideas and new ways of doing things. It allows a person to thing in a broad perspective and this open minded thinking plays a vital role in a person’s success. For example, DhirubhaiAmbani a renowned entrepreneur achieved all his success because of him moving out of his native region and having the willingness to learn to determination to prosper. While moving to different places he learnt different people and various skills which he was not aware of at his native place. And these new learning helped him rule the business world. It can very easily be said that being born with a silver spoon in one’s mouth doesn’t really state that he is destined to be a successful person. The region of the world that one belongs to is not the only factor that acts behind ones success but ones conviction, demeanor, competence among other factors.
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
Many may
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
and that a favorable environment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
anyone a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
once originated from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
. It is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
determination, capability and attitude that he possesses which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
person.

Native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
can play detrimental role in the life of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the education and the environment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they
are surrounded
with which my impact leadership and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Such qualities
are possessed
by one in a certain period of time from his experience.
For example
, MK Gandhi, learned the leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
he possessed from his childhood.

It is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
that holds back a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
determination and willingness to learn and prosper. Moving to other places introduces an individual to new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and new ways of doing things. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to thing
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from a broad perspective".
in a broad perspective
and this
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
thinking plays a vital role in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
DhirubhaiAmbani
a renowned entrepreneur achieved all his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of him moving out of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
and having the willingness to learn to determination to prosper. While moving to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places he
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which he was not aware of at his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
native
place. And these new learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
the business world.

It can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
be said
that
being born
with a silver spoon in one’s mouth doesn’t
really
state that he
is destined
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
of the world that one belongs to is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor that acts behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
conviction, demeanor, competence among other factors.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay 2. Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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