Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The diagrams below give information about internet use in different world regions of the world v.1

The diagrams below give information about internet use in different world regions of the world v. 1
The thought of having a single career is becoming a thing of the past. The current trend is to have multiple sources of income through various activities, which usually involves having a steep learning curve throughout the life. This essay will give two main reasons for this shift in the thought process. Firstly, the youth are working to get settled into an in demand field followed by investing their savings into a business with quick returns. Often, career minded young people choose a field of stable and high salaries, and pursue relevant education or certifications. Once they get a job and start earning, they carefully plan their savings, to invest for fast returns. However, the rapid earnings often involve risk and often require a careful assessment before investing. For example, software programmers, their job is very rewarding relative to many other fields and it is a common practice for them to invest in real estate. Usually, the employees have access for easy loans and it helps them to put their money into permanent assets. Secondly, People often get into certain vocations for lack of choice or due to high paying salaries, but pursue their interests as a second job. For instance, a friend of mine had to enter into their family business due to his father’s sudden demise. Later, he took a part-time position as a science teacher at a local school to satisfy his passion of teaching. Working on the field of interest is a great way to be motivated. Lastly, people having different sources of revenues are increasing. While some choose it to build their assets, others follow their personal interests. Whichever is the case pursuit of happiness with economic security is the main reason.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of having a single career is becoming a thing of the past. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend is to have multiple sources of income through various activities, which
usually
involves having a steep learning curve throughout the life. This essay will give two main reasons for this shift in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process.

Firstly
, the youth are working to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
settled into an in demand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
followed by investing their savings into a business with quick returns.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Often
, career minded young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of stable and high salaries, and pursue relevant education or certifications. Once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning, they
carefully
plan their savings, to invest for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
returns.
However
, the rapid earnings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
involve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
require a careful assessment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
investing.
For example
, software programmers, their job is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rewarding relative to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
and it is a common practice for them to invest in real estate.
Usually
, the employees have access for easy loans and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to put their money into permanent assets.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into certain vocations for lack of choice or due to high paying salaries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
pursue their interests as a second job.
For instance
, a friend of mine had to enter into their family business due to his father’s sudden demise. Later, he took a part-time position as a science teacher at a local school to satisfy his passion of teaching. Working on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of interest is a great way to
be motivated
.

Lastly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sources of revenues are increasing. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
choose it to build their assets, others follow their personal interests.
“Whichever” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whichever
is the case pursuit of happiness with economic security is the main reason.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagrams below give information about internet use in different world regions of the world v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts