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Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to v.1

Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to v. 1
It is thought by many that when young ones are involved in the job at an early age, it helps them, while others see it as an inappropriate action. This essay argues that while, indulging young people in work at the early age enables them to gain initial experience, it rather distracts them from their studies. On the one hand, Many people believe that, when young ones are involved in work at the early age it makes them responsible. In other words, this will help them to understand the specific skills required at work and gauge the effort required to earn money, hence they learn the value of money. For example, A survey conducted at The Stanford university found that, the average spending of the students who were paying their own tuition fees was 50 percent less than of those, whose fees were paid by their parents. However, many times they meet people at work whose company influences them adversely. On the other hand, When young people are involved in earning money, they compromise with their studies. It is to say that, when they are working they are not able to spend enough time on their studies and nowadays education require too much attention, therefore this is wrong. For instance, One of my friends started doing the job in parallel with his masters, even though in the bachelors degree he got 80 percent marks, due to simultaneous working and learning he ended up with 50 percent marks in the masters degree. Therefore, it is necessary to understand that, today education is demanding and requires full attention. In conclusion, Even though, involving people in a job at a young age can make them aware about the job environment, it is strongly recommended that, they should be given enough free time to pursue their education.
It is
thought
by
many
that when
young
ones
are involved
in the
job
at an early
age
, it
helps
them, while others
see
it as an inappropriate action. This essay argues that while, indulging
young
people
in
work
at the early
age
enables them to gain initial experience, it
rather
distracts them from their studies.

On the one hand,
Many
people
believe that, when
young
ones
are involved
in
work
at the early
age
it
makes
them responsible.
In other words
, this will
help
them to understand the specific
skills
required at
work
and gauge the effort required to earn money,
hence
they learn the value of money.
For example
, A survey conducted at The
Stanford university
found that, the average spending of the students who were paying their
own
tuition fees was 50 percent less than of those, whose fees
were paid
by their parents.
However
,
many
times they
meet
people
at
work
whose
company
influences them
adversely
.

On the other hand
, When
young
people
are involved
in earning money, they compromise with their studies. It is to say that, when they are working they are not able to spend
enough
time on their studies and nowadays education require too much attention,
therefore
this is
wrong
.
For instance
, One of my friends
started
doing the
job
in parallel with his masters,
even though
in the bachelors degree he
got
80 percent marks, due to simultaneous working and learning he ended up with 50 percent marks in the
masters
degree.
Therefore
, it is necessary to understand that,
today
education is demanding and requires full attention.

In conclusion
,
Even though
, involving
people
in a
job
at a
young
age
can
make
them aware about the
job
environment, it is
strongly
recommended that, they should be
given
enough
free time to pursue their education.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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