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2. Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to? v.1

2. Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to? v. 1
These days, studying in university becomes a trend in many countries because of several reasons such as a high salary job, a desire for higher education or parents' force. However, others choose to become apprentices such as a tailor or a worker, consequently, some people think it is unnecessary to vie with each other to study in a well-known university. From my point of view, studying or working after high school graduation depends on the ability, the economic condition, and the desire of students. Every successful person appreciates university since it trains and guides a student academically to become a wise and functional person in the country in general and family in specific. Moreover, higher education is supposed to be the minimum level for those who want to obtain a firm standing in society and it provides people with numerous benefits, opportunities to do research, the chance to access a rich resource of academic knowledge for example. As a result, parents always hope their children can become a part of a famous university because of belief in a bright future-forward. Not only do parents think, but some students also desire to acquire far more knowledge from well-known professors. However, some adversaries want to live with their passion which is not studied from a university or may do not have enough money to afford university fees so that they choose other ways to enjoy life. Now, many prosperous businessmen without university certificates can mature by their passion, energy, and effort. Also, if someone can study at university they can choose other appropriate jobs to earn money. On the contrary, someone determines the wrong major to follow, they may regret after studying and dishearten this major and it leads to some negative consequences subsequently. To conclude, I believe that a university is an academic place where students can learn and get a sterling degree for a high salary job, but if someone does not go to university, they can decide to follow their way to never regret what they did. No matter what they do or study, they need to be satisfied with their choices as in life everyone has to live their own life without allowance of anyone.
These days, studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
a trend in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons such as a high salary job, a desire for higher education or parents' force.
However
, others choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
apprentices such as a tailor or a worker,
consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is unnecessary to vie with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to study in a well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. From my point of view, studying or working after high school graduation depends on the ability, the economic condition, and the desire of students.

Every successful person appreciates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
since it trains and guides a student
academically
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a wise and functional person in the country
in general
and family in specific.
Moreover
, higher education
is supposed
to be the minimum level for those who want to obtain a firm standing in society and it provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with numerous benefits, opportunities to do research, the chance to access a rich resource of academic knowledge
for example
.
As a result
, parents always hope their children can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a part of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of belief in a bright future-forward. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students
also
desire to acquire far more knowledge from well-known professors.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adversaries want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their passion which is not studied from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or may do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
fees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to enjoy life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prosperous businessmen without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
certificates can mature by their passion, energy, and effort.
Also
, if someone can study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
they can choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
appropriate jobs to earn money.
On the contrary
, someone determines the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
major to follow, they may regret after studying and dishearten this major and it leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences
subsequently
.

To conclude
, I believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is an academic place where students can learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a sterling degree for a high salary job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if someone does not go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, they can decide to follow their way to never regret what they did. No matter what they do or study, they need to
be satisfied
with their choices as in life everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life without allowance of anyone.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay 2. Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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