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When a new technology is released, some people like to try it right away, while others prefer to wait until the technology becomes more established and popular. How do you feel about new technology? Explain your answer with details and examples. v.1

When a new technology is released, some people like to try it right away, while others prefer to wait until the technology becomes more established and popular. How do you feel about new technology? Explain your answer with details and examples. v. 1
The life expectancy of human being has increased over recent years thanks to the advancements in health science. Some people think that people should continue to work longer. I completely disagree with this view, and believe that this trend will cause some problems such as youth unemployment and the loss of productivity. First of all, late retirement policy can be harmful for a country. How can this policy affect the country? The main issue is that the rates of unemployment rates among young graduates will increase unless early retirement is implemented by the policy makers. For instance, the figures for Turkey increased last year and youth unemployment has become a growing concern across this country. Therefore, implementing the late retirement policy due to the increasing life expectancy would affect negatively the young section of the society Secondly, as age goes on, the productivity of people naturally decreases in a workplace. Those who work longer impact negatively the efficiency of a company or a factory because their body and mind work slower. For instance, many health experts say the human body is not a machine which can work during his or her lifetime with the same performance. Thus, people should enjoy retirement after a certain age instead of continuing working. In conclusion, people are able to live longer these days. Thus, a number of people believe that working longer is a necessity for those who live longer. I fully disagree with these views and I believe that this trend comes with some problems associated with the increase in unemployment rates among youngsters as well as the decrease in the level of productivity of older workers.
The life expectancy of human being has increased over recent years thanks to the advancements in health science.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
. I completely disagree with this view, and believe that this trend will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems such as youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
and the loss of productivity.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
can be harmful for a country. How can this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
affect the country? The main issue is that the rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rates among young graduates will increase unless early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
is implemented
by the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
.
For instance
, the figures for Turkey increased last year and youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
has become a growing concern across this country.
Therefore
, implementing the late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
due to the increasing life expectancy would affect
negatively
the young section of the society

Secondly
, as age goes on, the productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
naturally
decreases in a workplace. Those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
impact
negatively
the efficiency of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or a factory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their body and mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
slower.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health experts say the human body is not a machine which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
lifetime with the same performance.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
after a certain age
instead
of continuing working.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
these days.
Thus
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
is a necessity for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
. I
fully
disagree with these views and I believe that this trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems associated with the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rates among youngsters
as well
as the decrease in the level of productivity of older workers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay When a new technology is released, some people like to try it right away, while others prefer to wait until the technology becomes more established and popular. How do you feel about new technology? Explain your answer with details and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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