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What do you usually do when you want to relax and have a rest? include details and explanations in your response. v.1

What do you usually do when you want to relax and have a rest? include details and explanations in your response. v. 1
It is often claimed that public servants' personal lives ought not to be printed in print media. This essay completely agrees with that statement because it could cause various health issues as well as deviates them from their original work. Politicians’ lifestyle, relationships and where they live are constantly in the media spotlight. This media intrusion into the lives of political leaders private life may lead to medical problems. At present, these people are especially with the persons dealing with anxiety and cardiovascular diseases because they are undergoing through tremendous distress, which eventually results in mental disorder or a heart attack. For instance, Mr. Mathew a former prime minister of the UK died due to severe heart attack in 2010 while watching the news telecasted on television about his illegal affair with maidservant. Another point to consider is that Politicians’ lose their concentration on the official duties and responsibilities need to be performed. As their focus gets shifted to seeking public attention which makes them win over the opposition party. Due to this, their essential meetings are compromised and occupied themselves in reading articles related to them published in the social media, papers and TV resulting in the failure in elections. For example, in 2018 Mr. Alexander Stubb from Finland lost by 35% votes for the prime minister. Hence, he had been distracted by the media during public campaigning. In conclusion, I agree that it is downright immoral to publish the public leader's personal matters on the print and social media because it triggers different health concerns and diverts them from conducting duties.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
servants' personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
ought not to
be printed
in print
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could cause various health issues
as well
as deviates them from their original work.

Politicians’ lifestyle, relationships and where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
are
constantly
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
spotlight.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
intrusion into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of political leaders private life may lead to medical problems. At present, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
especially
with the persons dealing with anxiety and cardiovascular diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are undergoing through tremendous distress, which
eventually
results in mental disorder or a heart attack.
For instance
, Mr. Mathew a former prime minister of the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to severe heart attack in 2010 while watching the news
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on television about his illegal affair with maidservant.

Another point to consider is that Politicians’ lose their concentration on the official duties and responsibilities need to
be performed
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
their focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
shifted to seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
attention which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them win over the opposition party. Due to this, their essential meetings
are compromised
and occupied themselves in reading articles related to them published in the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, papers and TV resulting in the failure in elections.
For example
, in 2018 Mr. Alexander
Possible spelling mistake found.
Stubb
from Finland lost by 35% votes for the prime minister.
Hence
, he had
been distracted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
campaigning.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is downright immoral to publish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
leader's personal matters on the print and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it triggers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
health concerns and diverts them from conducting duties.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay What do you usually do when you want to relax and have a rest? include details and explanations in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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