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The diagram shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the earth. v.1

The diagram shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the earth. v. 1
Learning makes a man perfect. Technology invasion is seen in all fields and is not limited to online learning. Some people believe that young students should begin their reading habits with the aid of online reading materials, whereas, some prefer to do with printed material. In my opinion, I would recommend a child to start reading with printed material. However, I will do an analysis of both the views in this essay. Firstly, I concur that in this modern approach, there are enormous free and paid training materials available over the Internet which teach children how to read. Moreover, there are also numerous ways that young students will get distracted while doing their learning to read. Those distractions are not restricted to games, advertisements. Additionally, this requires a piece of hardware like a tablet or laptop which can be quite expensive and often requires parental advice while using the Internet. It will be an additional responsibility, sometimes, a burden for each parent to monitor their kids on what they are doing on the Internet. And as an effect of using such devices, this can harm the eyes of those kids. Secondly, the everlasting traditional path is learning to read using the printed material. Ever since the ancestral period, people have used this method which doesn't have any side effects on one's health. Moreover, it is a cost-effective approach. Of course, this has one major disadvantage which is that trees are used to make paper and is an environmental constraint. This can be tallied up to some extent with an effective recycle mechanism of papers or by creating some alternatives to paper. There is a 100% guarantee that kids won't get distracted while adhering to this way of learning which gives no tension to parents. In conclusion, a likely reason why I prefer printed material for a child to learn to read is that it is a cost-efficient approach. Also, I think that this traditional way outweighs the modern path in means of the outcome and the number of people using it. It becomes the utmost responsibility of parents to provide the right way for their children that gives them a hale and healthy life and lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
perfect. Technology invasion is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in all fields and is not limited to online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that young students should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their reading habits with the aid of online reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
, whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to do with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
. In my opinion, I would recommend a child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
reading with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
.
However
, I will do an analysis of both the views in this essay.

Firstly
, I concur that in this modern approach, there are enormous free and paid training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
available over the Internet which teach children how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
.
Moreover
, there are
also
numerous ways that young students will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted while doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
. Those distractions are not restricted to games, advertisements.
Additionally
, this requires a piece of hardware like a tablet or laptop which can be quite expensive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
requires parental advice while using the Internet. It will be an additional responsibility,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, a burden for each parent to monitor their kids on what they are doing on the Internet. And as an effect of using such devices, this can harm the eyes of those kids.

Secondly
, the everlasting traditional path is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
. Ever since the ancestral period,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this method which doesn't have any side effects on one's health.
Moreover
, it is a cost-effective approach.
Of course
, this has one major disadvantage which is that trees are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
paper and is an environmental constraint. This can
be tallied
up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent with an effective recycle mechanism of papers or by creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alternatives to paper. There is a 100% guarantee that kids won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted while adhering to this way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
which gives no tension to parents.

In conclusion
, a likely reason why I prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
for a child to learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
is that it is a cost-efficient approach.
Also
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this traditional way outweighs the modern path in means of the outcome and the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using it. It becomes the utmost responsibility of parents to provide the right way for their children that gives them a hale and healthy life and lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram shows the water cycle, which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the earth. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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