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Using points and examples from the lecture, explain how two features of the earth's surface influence climate. v.1

Using points and examples from the lecture, explain how two features of the earth's surface influence climate. v. 1
Many lecturers believed that lessons without exam such as music, drama, art, and craft can increase the educational performance, hence, they think these lessons should be mandatory. I agreed that this idea is accurate and will improve their academic performance. Firstly, this essay will explain why these arts-based subjects are crucial for scholastic success, secondly, will review the advantages after academic years. One the one hand, some professionals argued that art makes the brain more efficient and extend its capacity. One clear example is the effects of music. According to the reports, music helps people to relax and erase the unnecessary informations or memories in their minds. Therefore, you can concentrate on your task much more better in comparison with person without music in her/his life, because empty and far from stress brain allows you to understand the lesson easier, thus, your scholary success will grow up. Every kind of art has different benefits for human health. One the other hand, crafting structures or playing drama makes you an efficient person for the humanity. Namely, if someone starts crafting since his/her childish years, he might be an engineer, thus, he will construct houses or goods that will make the life easier, consequently, he becomes an efficient human for the both his/her community and country. Additionally, if you play drama, you might be a theatre player and then you will impress people with your vision and thoughts. In conclusion, arts-based lessons make you more efficient and useful for your society and nation. In my opinion lessons like music, drama and craft should be mandatory for a better future and to raise qualified people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
lecturers believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
without exam such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
, art, and craft can increase the educational performance,
hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
should be mandatory. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is accurate and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic performance.
Firstly
, this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why these arts-based subjects are crucial for scholastic success,
secondly
, will review the advantages after academic years.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professionals argued that art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the brain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efficient
and extend its capacity. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. According to the reports,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to relax and erase the unnecessary
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
or memories in their minds.
Therefore
, you can concentrate on your task much
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
in comparison
with person without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in her/his life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
empty and far from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
easier,
thus
, your
Possible spelling mistake found.
scholary
success will grow up. Every kind of art has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
benefits for human health.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, crafting structures or playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efficient
person for the humanity.
Namely
, if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
crafting since his/her childish years, he might be an engineer,
thus
, he will construct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the life easier,
consequently
, he becomes an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efficient
human for the both his/her community and country.
Additionally
, if you play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
, you might be a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
player and then you will impress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with your vision and thoughts.

In conclusion
, arts-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efficient
and useful for your society and nation. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
and craft should be mandatory for a better future and to raise qualified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Using points and examples from the lecture, explain how two features of the earth's surface influence climate. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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