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The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.
It is true that job satisfaction is an important factor for the health of working people. There are several factors that can make a person satisfied with the job, but it is difficult to make everyone happy. There are several key factors that can make an employee satisfied with his employment. Firstly, work-life balance is necessary for the mental health of the workers. If workers have enough free time after office to spend with their families, their personal lives will be successful. For example, If a person works overtime, he will not have the energy to enjoy free time with family, which affect his marital life. Secondly, continuous growth also contributes to the happiness at work. If workers are opportunities for learning and promotion, they will be more motivated to work. Lastly, salary is also very important as it is needed to fulfil expenses and save for future. If employees are not paid fairly, they will not be able to fulfil demand of their families. Practically, it is impossible for all the people at work to be satisfied. First, everyone has different expectation. For instance, some people prefer money over work-life balance, while others prefer family time over overtime work. Moreover, it is difficult for a company to make everyone happy in same working conditions. For big corporations, providing individuals with different factors is a challenge. Since big firms have thousands of employees, they will need huge resources to accommodate the demands of their workers. In conclusion, there are numerous factors that can increase the job satisfaction for workers. However, it is not possible to make everyone happy.
It is true that job satisfaction is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for the health of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a person satisfied with the job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
happy.

There are several key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an employee satisfied with his employment.
Firstly
, work-life balance is necessary for the mental health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
free time after office to spend with their families, their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will be successful.
For example
, If a person works overtime, he will not have the energy to enjoy free time with family, which affect his
Did you mean "martial" (relating to war or a warrior)?
marital
life.
Secondly
, continuous growth
also
contributes to the happiness at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are opportunities for learning and promotion, they will be more motivated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Lastly
, salary is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as it
is needed
to fulfil expenses and save for future. If employees are not paid
fairly
, they will not be able to fulfil demand of their families.

Practically
, it is impossible for all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
be satisfied
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
expectation.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer money over work-life balance, while others prefer family time over overtime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, it is difficult for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
happy in same working conditions. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporations, providing individuals with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
is a challenge. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
firms have thousands of employees, they will need huge resources to accommodate the demands of their workers.

In conclusion
, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that can increase the job satisfaction for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
However
, it is not possible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
happy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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