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It is impossible to help people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is impossible to help people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. v. 1
Having health issues is becoming a common problem for most of the workers as they spend a little or no time exercising either during the weekdays or weekends. This essay will discuss the main factor associated with this issue and it will also recommend a viable solution to address the problem. The main cause why the majority of working people are prone to illness seems to stem from spending longer hours at work. The heavy workload has forced them to sacrifice their personal time to work, leading them to live a sedentary lifestyle, which can be detrimental to their overall well-being in the long period. This is exemplified by the growing number of workers in China, where they often suffer from a chronic cardiovascular disease due to the lack of physical activities and poor diet. One of the possible remedies to tackle this issue is by involving the employers to implement a work-life balance culture in the company. It is understandable that many companies always aim for a higher revenue to continue their business; however, by neglecting the fundamental asset, namely the workforce, it may lead them to more serious consequences. Therefore, employers need to play an active role in motivating and ensuring that their staff are living a healthy lifestyle and exercising. This can be done, for example, by allocating some of their budget to sponsor gym membership or voucher to purchase a healthier-meal options for all of the staff. In conclusion, many of the working people face some health problems as they do not exercise regularly. While the prime factor, such as working long hours, is obvious and hard to be avoided, this issue can be resolved if the employers contribute positively in providing some health-related allowance for the employees.
Having health
issues
is becoming a common problem for most of the workers as they spend a
little
or no time exercising either during the weekdays or weekends. This essay will discuss the main factor associated with this
issue
and it will
also
recommend a viable solution to address the problem.

The main cause why the majority of working
people
are prone to illness seems to stem from spending longer hours at work. The heavy workload has forced them to sacrifice their personal time to work, leading them to
live
a sedentary lifestyle, which can be detrimental to their
overall
well-being in the long period. This
is exemplified
by the growing number of workers in China, where they
often
suffer from a chronic cardiovascular disease due to the lack of physical activities and poor diet.

One of the possible remedies to tackle this
issue
is by involving the employers to implement a work-life balance culture in the
company
. It is understandable that
many
companies
always aim for a higher revenue to continue their business;
however
, by neglecting the fundamental asset,
namely
the workforce, it may lead them to more serious consequences.
Therefore
, employers need to play an active role in motivating and ensuring that their staff are living a healthy lifestyle and exercising. This can
be done
,
for example
, by allocating
some
of their budget to sponsor gym membership or voucher to
purchase
a healthier-meal options for
all of the
staff.

In conclusion
,
many
of the working
people
face
some
health problems as they do not exercise
regularly
. While the prime factor, such as working long hours, is obvious and
hard
to
be avoided
, this
issue
can
be resolved
if the employers contribute
positively
in providing
some
health-related allowance for the employees.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay It is impossible to help people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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