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Some people believe famous person people's support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe famous person people's support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. v. 1
Some people encounter failure in school, however, they end up getting success in life. This essay will discuss the plausible causes of this phenomenon in the ensuing paragraphs and will also shed light on some factors contributing being successful in the future. Discussing the reasons, the most trivial is the lack of interest in the subjects they have to study in an educational institution. For example, Bill Gates was a school drop out, yet, he experienced immense prosperity in his later stage after college. The only reason for his repeating failure was the insufficient interest in the subjects offered in the syllabus. Another reason is the passion for something rare, often it is observed that people become more known afterwards who had experienced bad academic record in their early age. To illustrate, Einstein is the best example in this case, as he was many times rejected at school, in contrast, he continued his passion for science and as a result now nearly every individual is familiar with his work around the globe. In my opinion, there are many factors which could lead to success in life. First is the dedication towards work because this is the fundamental ingredient to achieve something big in life. In addition, perseverance is another element helpful to be successful for grand reward. People like Nelson Mandela and Gandhi could only succeed in their missions due to solely because of consistency. To conclude the aforementioned, although reduced interest and motivation are logical reasons for laying back at institutions, nonetheless, constant efforts and self determination are two tools which results in everlasting elevation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
encounter failure in school,
however
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up getting success in life. This essay will discuss the plausible causes of this phenomenon in the ensuing paragraphs and will
also
shed light on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors contributing being successful in the future.

Discussing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, the most trivial is the lack of interest in the subjects they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study in an educational institution.
For example
, Bill Gates was a school drop out,
yet
, he experienced immense prosperity in his later stage after college. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for his repeating failure was the insufficient interest in the subjects offered in the syllabus.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the passion for something rare,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
it
is observed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become more known afterwards who had experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
academic record in their early age. To illustrate, Einstein is the best example
in this case
, as he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times rejected at school,
in contrast
, he continued his passion for science and
as a result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
nearly
every individual is familiar with his work around the globe.

In my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors which could lead to success in life.
First
is the dedication towards work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is the fundamental ingredient to achieve something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
in life.
In addition
, perseverance is another element helpful to be successful for grand reward.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
like Nelson Mandela and Gandhi could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
succeed in their missions due to
solely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of consistency.

To conclude
the aforementioned, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
interest and motivation are logical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for laying back at institutions, nonetheless, constant efforts and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self determination
are two tools which results in everlasting elevation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe famous person people's support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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