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The diagrams below show the statges and equipment used in the cement making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where releva v.1

The diagrams below show the statges and equipment used in the cement making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Many senior citizens today are being taken care by retirement homes instead of their families. Elderly people can greatly benefit from this as they can be looked after by professionals and they can have easy access to drugs and medical equipment but there are also disadvantages to consider. On the one hand, there are some advantages to bringing the seniors into nursing homes. Firstly, these people can be taken care safely and professionally by the medical staffs. Medical professionals who are employed in these homes are highly educated and trained for giving care and service to the elderly. Secondly, being in retirement homes is advantageous because drugs and emergency apparatuses are accessible to the elderly individuals. Due to their high tendency to acquire fatal infections, older adults are required to be in a facility that could monitor them and supply their medicinal needs. This could help them increase recovery time and improve their health. On the other hand, one problem of putting the elderly population in the care homes is that it increases their risk for depression. Many of these patients do not easily adapt to their new surroundings that their conditions tend to deteriorate, leading them to have more complicated symptoms. Another possible issue is that as the numbers of the elderly patients grow the demand of healthcare inclines as well. Nurses, for instance, are greatly affected by this as they need to work extra hours with more patient care, but they don’t get a salary increment. If this continues, it could lead to burn out and lesser motivation to nurses, decreasing the quality of health service. In conclusion, while the seniors can benefit from being brought to retirement homes, it can also lead to depression and decreased health care excellence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
senior citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
being taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
by retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
instead
of their families.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
greatly
benefit from this as they can
be looked
after by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
professionals and
they can have easy access to drugs and medical equipment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
disadvantages to consider.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages to bringing the seniors into nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
Firstly
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
safely
and
professionally
by the medical staffs. Medical professionals who
are employed
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
are
highly
educated and trained for giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and service to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
.
Secondly
, being in retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
is advantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
drugs and emergency apparatuses are accessible to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
individuals. Due to their high tendency to acquire fatal infections, older adults
are required
to be in a facility that could monitor them and supply their medicinal needs. This could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them increase recovery time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health.

On the other hand
, one problem of putting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
population in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
is that it increases their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for depression.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these patients do not
easily
adapt to their new surroundings that their conditions tend to deteriorate, leading them to have more complicated symptoms. Another possible issue is that as the numbers of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
patients grow the demand of healthcare inclines
as well
. Nurses,
for instance
, are
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this as they need to work extra hours with more patient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a salary increment. If this continues, it could lead to burn out and lesser motivation to nurses, decreasing the quality of health service.

In conclusion
, while the seniors can benefit from
being brought
to retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
, it can
also
lead to depression and decreased health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
excellence.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagrams below show the statges and equipment used in the cement making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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