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The diagram belows show stages in the development of simple cooking equipment Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant v.1

The diagram belows show stages in the development of simple cooking equipment
There can be various challenges a person may have to face when they are living in a country which they have to speak a foreign language. Such challenges may result in social as well as practical problems. While I agree that this is a serious concern, there can be points which can be shown that this issue would not cause a serious social or practical problem if proper actions are taken. Firstly, the main practical problem which arises due to this, is the difficulty of effective communication with each other. This may lead to various barriers for the individuals who are speaking a foreign language in their day to day normal activities, such as doing work in an office, explaining an illness to the doctor etc. These may lead to a serious problem as these individuals are unable to carry out their daily work simply because of their lack of understanding a foreign language. Secondly, these practical problems may lead to social problems such as discrimination among individuals, etc. When these people feel that they are treated differently, this will lead to various types of unwanted tensions such as riots etc. This will eventually may even affect the entire economy of the country. However, if there is a proper framework to address these problems, these may not escalate into serious social and practical problems. For example, governments can introduce various methods to evaluate the fluency of the foreign languages among the immigrants and set required standards. Also, they can provide more opportunities for the individuals to learn foreign languages. Furthermore, governments can introduce new technologies such as Google translate to minimise the language barrier among communities. In conclusion, it can be agreed that social and practical problems can arise due to the requirement to speak a foreign languagelanguage. However these issues can can be prevented from escalating into serious issues of proper action is taken.
There can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
challenges a person may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face when they are living in a country which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
speak a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Such challenges may result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
concern, there can be points which can
be shown
that this issue would not cause a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
if proper actions
are taken
.

Firstly
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which arises due to this, is the difficulty of effective communication with each other. This may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
barriers for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who are speaking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in their day to day normal activities, such as doing work in an office, explaining an illness to the doctor etc. These may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are unable to carry out their daily work
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their lack of understanding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
language.

Secondly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as discrimination among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, etc. When these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that they
are treated
differently
, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
types of unwanted tensions such as riots etc. This will
eventually
may even affect the entire economy of the country.

However
, if there is a proper framework to address these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, these may not escalate into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
methods to evaluate the fluency of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
among the immigrants and set required standards.
Also
, they can provide more opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can introduce new technologies such as
Did you mean "Google Translate"?
Google translate
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier among communities.

In conclusion
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can arise due to the requirement to speak a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
Possible spelling mistake found.
languagelanguage
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
these issues can can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
from escalating into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
issues of proper action
is taken
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram belows show stages in the development of simple cooking equipment

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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