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The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where releva v.1

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Shopping has become an integral part of our life. Young people are more attracted to this habit than older people and it has almost become their favourite hobby. While there are many reasons attributed to this habit such as increased spending power and peer influences, some people argue that they should be encouraged to spend their time wisely in other useful activities and I completely agree with that because time is the most precious thing in the world. For one thing, the increased spending power is one of the main reasons for this addiction to shopping in our society. Compared to the past, there are many job opportunities available in the market and most of them are ready to pay a large amount. Our young people now have plenty of disposable income they don’t know how to spend. Secondly, they are easily getting influenced by their peers who might be doing window shopping almost every week, for no reasons. The recent survey conducted by a website on Bayshore Shopping Mall business in Kanata city, indicates that the majority of their sales are coming from younger people who had just started their career. . Having said that, some people argue that our young society needs to be diverted and encouraged to spend their free time in more better and useful ways. I strongly agree with that, because the only thing that cannot be retrieved back is “the time”. Instead of spending time in shopping malls, we should encourage them to involve in physical activities such as sports and games. Or they can join a course that enhances their skill sets. For instance, those in the software field can spend their time in learning Artificial Intelligence, which is growing very fast in today’s market. In conclusion, while it is true that young people are getting attracted towards frequent shopping, they should be encouraged to spend their free time more wisely on activities that could help them to lead a more comfortable and healthy life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
has become an integral part of our life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more attracted to this habit than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it has almost become their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
hobby. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons attributed to this habit such as increased spending power and peer influences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that they should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
in other useful activities and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the most precious thing in the world.

For one thing, the increased spending power is one of the main reasons for this addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in our society. Compared to the past, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities available in the market and most of them are ready to pay a large amount. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of disposable income they don’t know how to spend.

Secondly
, they are
easily
getting influenced by their peers who might be doing window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
almost every week, for no reasons. The recent survey conducted by a website on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bayshore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
Mall business in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kanata
city, indicates that the majority of their sales are coming from younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their career.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


Having said that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
society needs to
be diverted
and encouraged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
and useful ways. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that cannot
be retrieved
back is “the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time”
.
Instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls, we should encourage them to involve in physical activities such as sports and games. Or they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a course that enhances their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets.
For instance
, those in the software field can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in learning Artificial Intelligence, which is growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s market.

In conclusion
, while it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting attracted towards frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, they should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more
wisely
on activities that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to lead a more comfortable and healthy life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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