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Some people are reducing their walks, however many health experts say that walking is thebest exercise to maintain health. Why do people walk less? What might encourage people to walk longer distances? v.1

Some people are reducing their walks, however many health experts say that walking is thebest exercise to maintain health. Why do people walk less? What might encourage people to walk longer distances? v. 1
It is argued that the only way to decrease the present day traffic is by making people not to commute out for studying, shopping or work place. This essay agrees with that statement because this could possibly bring down the traffic issues and also people can work and shop in the comfort of home. To begin with, the cities are now a 'one big jam' due to heavy traffic and it's hard to commute to work place or go shopping even for small products such as groceries. Mornings are becoming a pain in the neck due to accumulation of vehicles on the roads, delays to office are more often due to increased time while commuting to work, not to mention about the signals that are more in number because of uncontrollable traffic. For example, in the normal days, it's hard to reach the destinations because of congestion on roads with cars and bikes. But, on weekends when people tend to stay at home and roads are clear without any disturbances it is easy to travel and also reach early to the desired locations. In addition to this, if citizens would decide to shop online by not travelling out and also work from home with the use of internet and surpass the hurdles of going through traffic this would yield better results in bringing down the traffic more effectively. That said, if half of the population decides to stay at home and do the works as usual with the technology this can directly impact the traffic rate to none or less than the usual amount. Also, if tutors and institutions would broadcast classes children could learn them efficiently and interactively as they can show more interest in the new way of learning. For instance, Russia has implemented the no commute policy at the busiest cities that make people stick to their homes and do the regular works with the use of mobiles and computers which reduced almost 50% of traffic. This shows the effect of travelling to places with personal vehicles which is why it is a great idea to do all these from home. In conclusion, I completely agree that more and more options of working, shopping and learning through online should be encouraged, going everyday out using a car or bike would definitely impact the traffic jams and working at the comfort of our home and facilities is a great idea.
It
is argued
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to decrease the present day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
is by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to commute out for studying, shopping or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this could
possibly
bring down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
issues and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and shop in the comfort of home.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the cities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a 'one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
jam' due to heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to commute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place or go shopping even for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
products such as groceries. Mornings are becoming a pain in the neck due to accumulation of vehicles on the roads, delays to office are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
due to increased time while commuting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, not to
Did you mean simply "mention the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mention about the
signals that are more in number
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of uncontrollable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
.
For example
, in the normal days, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reach the destinations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of congestion on roads with cars and bikes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, on weekends when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to stay at home and roads are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
without any disturbances it is easy to travel and
also
reach early to the desired locations.

In addition
to this, if citizens would decide to shop online by not travelling out and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet and surpass the hurdles of going through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
this would yield better results in bringing down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
more
effectively
. That said, if half of the population decides to stay at home and do the works as usual with the technology this can
directly
impact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
rate to none or less than the usual amount.
Also
, if tutors and institutions would broadcast classes children could learn them
efficiently
and
interactively
as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more interest in the new way of learning.
For instance
, Russia has implemented the no commute policy at the busiest cities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stick to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and do the regular works with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobiles and computers which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
almost 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the effect of travelling to places with personal vehicles which is why it is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to do all these from home.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that more and more options of working, shopping and learning through online should
be encouraged
, going everyday out using a car or bike would definitely impact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jams and working at the comfort of our home and facilities is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are reducing their walks, however many health experts say that walking is thebest exercise to maintain health. Why do people walk less? What might encourage people to walk longer distances? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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