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The diagram below shows the process from Australian Bureau of Meteorology of collecting up-to-minute information for the purpose of producting reliable weather forecasts. Describe the process in detail. v.1

The diagram below shows the process from Australian Bureau of Meteorology of collecting up-to-minute information for the purpose of producting reliable weather forecasts. Describe the process in detail. v. 1
In today’s modern world, women and men are working full time in most developed countries, and this means women alone are no longer responsible for the household tasks. I think, with women acquiring jobs, household tasks become a shared responsibility for both husband and wife. To begin, with changing dynamics of the work environment, having a significant proportion of women, makes time management a challenge for them. This can be realized with an example of couples who struggle eight hours a day at an office. Had they not shared the homely tasks, such as laundry, cooking and cleaning, it would have been cumbersome for the wife to take care of everything on her own. Likewise, such situation holds true for other families as well, so sharing home endeavours is a possible way forward for working couples. Furthermore, another aspect which makes home caring, a shared responsibility in families having working women is that it will help improve the relationship between the partners. A job comes with stress and ladies tend to get tired earlier as compared to men. If men participate actively at home, it will help improve the strength of the bond between them, and with both couples standing together will strengthen the trust between them by reducing the stress level of the female partner. This is a clear indication for husband acquiring more domiciliary work in order to support their wife spending most of her time at work. To conclude, men and women sharing household tasks not only support women carrying out occupations outside the home, but also reduces their stress, and improve mutual trust, and therefore, security in the relationship.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are working full time in most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, and this means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
alone are no longer responsible for the household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
acquiring jobs, household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
become a shared responsibility for both husband and wife.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, with changing dynamics of the work environment, having a significant proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
time management a challenge for them. This can
be realized
with an example of couples who struggle eight hours a day at an office. Had they not shared the homely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
, such as laundry, cooking and cleaning, it would have been cumbersome for the wife to take care of everything on her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Likewise
, such situation holds true for other families
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sharing home
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
is a possible way forward for working couples.

Furthermore
, another aspect which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
home caring, a shared responsibility in families having working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the relationship between the partners. A job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and ladies tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired earlier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
participate
actively
at home, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the strength of the bond between them, and with both couples standing together will strengthen the trust between them by reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level of the female partner. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
indication for husband acquiring more domiciliary work in order to support their wife spending most of her time at work.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
sharing household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
carrying out occupations outside the home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
mutual trust, and
therefore
, security in the relationship.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The diagram below shows the process from Australian Bureau of Meteorology of collecting up-to-minute information for the purpose of producting reliable weather forecasts. Describe the process in detail. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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