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1433 Describe a room you spend most of the time inwhere the rooms iswhat the room looks likewhat you did in that roomand explain why you spent most of your time in that room. v.1

1433 Describe a room you spend most of the time inwhere the rooms iswhat the room looks likewhat you did in that roomand explain why you spent most of your time in that room. v. 1
Some people believe that both affluent and non affluent students are facing difficulties to get entry into universities. I do not agree with former view. I will explain this in the successive paragraphs. To begin with, most of universities around the world have higher fee structure. Therefore, children from wealthy families pay this enormous fee without any difficulty. Even they are not good in academic or having the less score in their academics. They can easily get access into universities. However kids from non affluent families are unable to pay this huge fee. Therefore, brood from rich families do not face any problem during studies because they have a giant amount of money rather than learners from poor families. Moreover, healthy families have the impressive contacts. For instance, rich families have contacts with the trustees. Even they may raise funds for the events of universities. Therefore, with the help of these contacts, they can easily get the seat for their children. Therefore, it is not easier, for poor families rather than rich families because they have not powerful contacts. Further move, mostly young people with no money belongs to the rural area and they are studied from low level education institutes in which professors or teachers are not well educated. So they are weak in their academics. If they will get admission into universities. During studies, they may get fail or backlogs in their subjects because there is the high level of education is in universities. In contrast with, young people with huge money are studied from the well educational institutes and well known teachers. Therefore, they will not face any issue during studies rather than kids from poor families. Furthermore, brood from poor families have to clear the test to get the grant. So that, they have to strive hard to get a scholarship for the admission. If they have not got the scholarship, then they will drop their studies. Conversely, brood from rich families do not do the hard work to get scholarship because they have enough money. Therefore, they live the good life and get better education rather than others. In my opinion, brood from rich families can easily enrol in universities rather than that of poor families. To conclude, even children from wealthy families can easily get the admittance into universities. But students from poor families can also get access into universities if they do the hard work to get the scholarship.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that both affluent and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non affluent
students are facing difficulties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entry into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with former view. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this in the successive paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
around the world have higher fee structure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, children from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
pay this enormous fee without any difficulty. Even they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in academic or having the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun score is countable.
less
score in their academics. They can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
kids from
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are unable to pay this huge fee.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brood
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
do not face any problem during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a giant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than learners from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Moreover
, healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have the impressive contacts.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have contacts with the trustees. Even they may raise funds for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of these contacts, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the seat for their children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it is not easier, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have not powerful contacts.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
,
mostly
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
belongs to the rural
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
area and
they
are studied
from low level education institutes in which professors or teachers are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they are weak in their academics.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fail or backlogs in their subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is the high level of education is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
In contrast
with, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are studied
from the well educational institutes and well known teachers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, they will not face any issue during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than kids from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brood
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the grant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarship
for the admission. If they have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarship
, then they will drop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brood
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
do not do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than others. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brood
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
enrol in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
families.

To conclude
, even children from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the admittance into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
students from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
if they do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholarship
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 1433 Describe a room you spend most of the time inwhere the rooms iswhat the room looks likewhat you did in that roomand explain why you spent most of your time in that room. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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