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The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-minute information on the weather in order to produce reliable forecast. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v.1

The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-minute information on the weather in order to produce reliable forecast. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 1
The issue related to countries allocating more funds to renovating buildings in poor condition has been heatedly debated by the population. Some feel that the amount of money invested in reparation is significant for the educational and cultural system. However, I totally agree with those who say that national budgets should prioritize the creation of modern spaces instead of repairing old structures because, even though it aids in children's historical knowledge, newer buildings are environmentally friendlier than in the past. Although one side of the argument claims that fixing a historic building has an impact on children’s education, it does not address environmental effects. Firstly, people often have this opinion because the history of an older building plays a role in society through history classes. Furthermore, the conservation of historical façades is done to protect the culture as a legacy for the next generation. To illustrate, children that are attending kindergarten can learn about modern art visiting those buildings, because they can absorb more visual information while they are physically there instead of listening passively in a classroom. Therefore, observing monuments are an educational strategy to increase their artistic skills. However, none of these points help to improve the environment. More importantly, demolishing old structures and erecting new buildings can have many positive effects on the cities’ environment. The main reason is the majority of old construction is not designed to be sustainable. Moreover, old infrastructure has a high cost of maintenance due to the inefficient heating system. It is also essential to point out that when there is a project to construct a green building, it is carried out in an eco-friendly way. An example of this is the new houses in Toronto, located near the Yonge–Eglinton area, which are not only using solar energy panels to save heat in the winter season, but are also decreasing the amount of carbon emissions. Thus, it is evident that moving forward, these types of modern buildings will only benefit a society as opposed to the old, dilapidated infrastructure from the past. To sum up, despite both arguments having their merits, I believe investing in new areas should take priority over fixing old buildings because the new architecture brings ecological benefits. As I have mentioned, it is recommended that the society increase funds to invest in places that generate clean electricity and lower maintenance costs.
The issue related to countries allocating more funds to renovating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
in poor condition has been
heatedly
debated by the population.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
feel that the amount of money invested in reparation is significant for the educational and cultural system.
However
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who say that national budgets should prioritize the creation of modern spaces
instead
of repairing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
structures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
even though
it aids in children's historical knowledge, newer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are
environmentally
friendlier than in the past.

Although one side of the argument claims that fixing a historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
has an impact on children’s education, it does not address environmental effects.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the history of an older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
plays a role in society through history classes.
Furthermore
, the conservation of historical façades
is done
to protect the culture as a legacy for the
next
generation. To illustrate, children that are attending kindergarten can learn about modern art visiting those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can absorb more visual information while they are
physically
there
instead
of listening
passively
in a classroom.
Therefore
, observing monuments are an educational strategy to increase their artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, none of these points
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the environment.

More
importantly
, demolishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
structures and erecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the cities’ environment. The main reason is the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
construction is not designed to be sustainable.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
infrastructure has a high cost of maintenance due to the inefficient heating system. It is
also
essential to point out that when there is a project to construct a green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
, it
is carried
out
Consider replacing "in an eco-friendly way" with the adverb for "eco-friendly"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an eco-friendly way
. An example of this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in Toronto, located near the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yonge
–
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eglinton
area, which are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
using solar energy panels to save heat in
Consider using "winter".
the winter season
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
also
decreasing the amount of carbon emissions.
Thus
, it is evident that moving forward, these types of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit a society as opposed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, dilapidated infrastructure from the past.

To sum up, despite both arguments having their merits, I believe investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
areas should take priority over fixing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
architecture brings ecological benefits. As I have mentioned, it
is recommended
that the society increase funds to invest in places that generate clean electricity and lower maintenance costs.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-minute information on the weather in order to produce reliable forecast. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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