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2641 Talk about something you do to relaxYou should say:  What it is How often you do it Where you do itYou should also say if you would recommend it. v.1

2641 Talk about something you do to relaxYou should say:  What it is How often you do it Where you do itYou should also say if you would recommend it. v. 1
The concept of women’s equality has brought women from homes to workplaces and many women in the countries around the world have full time jobs. Due to this, people argue that house chores should be equally divided between men and women. I strongly agree with this statement and in this essay, I will discuss my point of view as to why performing household work should be equally distributed. Traditionally, it was believed that females should stay at homes and fulfil the responsibilities towards home chores and raising up children, whereas, men area of work is outside of the home to earn livelihood for the family. This perception gradually made females outdated of market affairs and limited their literacy about latest trends and innovations. Since women are at workplace doing full time job, their physical capabilities limit them to perform all household tasks as well. If home chores are not evenly distributed, it can bring disturbance to every household. For instance, due to physical limitation, if a woman gets ill due to the overburden of home tasks, routine of children will suffer deeply. On the other hand, there are many drawbacks of this trend. Since due to tradition in many countries, men are way less experienced in performing household tasks and as a result, many important tasks might end up finishing in an improper way that might lead to quarrels between the couple. For instance, mixing up different colours of clothes during laundry and not properly cleaning when doing dishes. A little bit of supervision might help to improve man’s skill in this area. To conclude, initially there can be hurdles in coping up with home chores for a man, but putting all the home chores responsibilities on a woman who also has a full time job outside the home, is unjust and therefore, equal distribution of house chores in necessary.
The concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
equality has brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
to workplaces and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the countries around the world have full time jobs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
should be
equally
divided between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and in this essay, I will discuss my point of view as to why performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
work should be
equally
distributed.

Traditionally
, it
was believed
that females should stay at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and fulfil the responsibilities towards home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
and raising up children, whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
area of work is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the home to earn livelihood for the family. This perception
gradually
made females outdated of market affairs and limited their literacy about
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
trends and innovations. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are at workplace doing full time job, their physical capabilities limit them to perform all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
as well
. If home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
are not
evenly
distributed, it can bring disturbance to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to physical limitation, if a woman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the overburden of home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
, routine of children will suffer
deeply
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks of this trend. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to tradition in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are way less experienced in performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
and
as a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up finishing
Consider replacing "in an improper way" with the adverb for "improper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an improper way
that might lead to quarrels between the couple.
For instance
, mixing up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
of clothes during laundry and not
properly
cleaning when doing dishes. A
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of supervision might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in this area.

To conclude
,
initially
there can be hurdles in coping up with home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
putting all the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
responsibilities on a woman who
also
has a full time job outside the home, is unjust and
therefore
, equal distribution of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
in necessary.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 2641 Talk about something you do to relaxYou should say:  What it is How often you do it Where you do itYou should also say if you would recommend it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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