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The graph below gives information about Dubai gold sales in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and makecomparisons where relevant. v.1

The graph below gives information about Dubai gold sales in 2002.
Communicating in a foreign language will be difficult for many people and may lead to some community problems. Others also have some trouble at practical problems. In my opinion, I totally agree with this issue and this essay will be discussed about those problems. On the one hand, there are several problems that affect directly to the social. To begin with, language barrier would be a serious thing because many tourists or people, who come from the other countries, are not able to learn the language of the country they want to go or travel to. It will lead to the difficulties in communicating with the native speaker. Besides, if we know English the most common language in the world, we can communicate more easily, but it will be misunderstood in some situation. For example, people will not understand each other in some situations due to English not the language the use often, but it is the best way to help people talk to each other without learning too many languages. On the other hand, language barrier prevents the people in finding the tourist attraction or some famous place in that city and they will have a lot of difficulty in shopping, due to not understanding the information on the product’s packaging. Then some tourists who have less experience, are unaware of the actual values of the item, so the seller will put up for sales higher than the real price that they sell to the native speaker. For instance, there is a case that a couple of foreigners go to the street market to buy a hat which they had to pay about 8 USD, but the actual fact that its price just 2 USD. To sum up, from my personal experience people should educate themselves in order to know to behave in different situations with different cultures and need to learn the most common language in the world to communicate easier.
Communicating in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
will be difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
community problems. Others
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trouble at practical problems. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this issue and this essay will be
Did you mean simply "discussed those"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about those
problems.

On the one hand, there are several problems that affect
directly
to the social. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier would be a serious thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries, are not able to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of the country they want to go or travel to. It will lead to the difficulties in communicating with the native speaker.
Besides
, if we know English the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the world, we can communicate more
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will be misunderstood in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situation.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not understand each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations due to English not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
talk to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
without learning too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
languages.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in finding the tourist attraction or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
place in that
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
city and
they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficulty in shopping, due to not understanding the information on the product’s packaging. Then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tourists who have less experience, are unaware of the actual values of the item,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the seller will put up for sales higher than the real price that they sell to the native speaker.
For instance
, there is a case that a couple of foreigners
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "goes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'go' is not always incorrect.)
go
to the street market to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a hat which they had to pay about 8 USD,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the actual fact that its price
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
2 USD.

To sum up, from my personal experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should educate themselves in order to know to behave in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and need to learn the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the world to communicate easier.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The graph below gives information about Dubai gold sales in 2002.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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