Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

1936 do you feel the commercialization of gift-giving, eg Christmas in certain countries, has gone too far? v.1

1936 do you feel the commercialization of gift-giving, eg Christmas in certain countries, has gone too far? v. 1
Owing to the increasing trend of shopping online, it is argued by some that this will eventually result in stores in major cities and suburbs shutting down. In my opinion, I agree that online shopping will one day lead to the closing down of shops because of the convenience of buying from them and also the variety of options it provides. Firstly, the main reason why online shopping is taking the forefront over purchasing from local stores is because it is more convenient. To put in another way, buying items off the internet is something that can be done easily without stress as one can purchase goods at the touch of a button without stepping outside their doors. Furthermore, it is time saving as periods that could have been spent moving from store to store in search of a particular item would be diverted into doing something more productive. For example, online stores like amazon, kindle have not only made shopping more fun, but also without stress. Another point to consider is that online stores offer a variety of items to their customers. That is, there are loads of options to select from without needing to move from shop to shop in search of a particular item as would have been the case in smaller shops because they may not offer everything the client could need at that point in time. I remember having to visit not less than five stores in search of a blue shoe I needed in 2015 but ever since I became aware of online shopping I do not need to enter any shop in order to get items of my choice. To conclude, as a result, of the convenience and time saving effects derived from shopping through the internet, one can say without a doubt that shops will close down real soon.
Owing to the increasing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, it
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that this will
eventually
result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in major cities and suburbs shutting down. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will one day lead to the closing down of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the convenience of buying from them and
also
the variety of options it provides.

Firstly
, the main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is taking the forefront over purchasing from local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more convenient. To put in another way, buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
off the internet is something that can
be done
easily
without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
at the touch of a button without stepping outside their doors.
Furthermore
, it is time saving as periods that could have
been spent
moving from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
in search of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
would
be diverted
into doing something more productive.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
, kindle have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
more fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
offer a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
to their customers.
That is
, there are loads of options to select from without needing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
in search of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
as would have been the case in smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may not offer everything the client could need at that point in time. I remember having to visit not less than five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in search of a blue shoe I needed in 2015
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ever since I became aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
I do not need to enter any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
of my choice.

To conclude
,
as a result
, of the convenience and time saving effects derived from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
through the internet, one can say without a doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will close down real
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 1936 do you feel the commercialization of gift-giving, eg Christmas in certain countries, has gone too far? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts