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2286 talk about a business you would like to startyou should saywhat it would be where it would bewho your customers would be v.1

2286 talk about a business you would like to startyou should saywhat it would be where it would bewho your customers would be v. 1
Recently, individuals seem to spend more hours at work. This has a bad effect on people, their families and the community and thus, should be stopped. I must say that I strongly agree with this opinion, and will explain the details in the essay below why I take this stance. Firstly, the health of persons staying longer that they should in the office is at risk. This is because, there won't be enough time to engage in other activities such as exercise which is known to be very crucial in keeping someone in good shape. A wonderful example is my grandmother who is very strict with her workout routine and still looks very young and well at the age of 80. More time at work will rip anyone off this great benefit. Secondly, prolong working hours greatly affects the relationship of a person with their loved ones. There is an adage that says, "people who play together, stay together. " Compromising the chance to stay close to the family will strain the bond and cause problems. An example is a couple who go through marital issues and finally end up in divorce just because there is no quality time to form a strong link. Restrictions in the amount of stay at work place will go a long way in combating the ugly situations that can be caused by this. More so, it cannot be underrated that the environment will benefit well if the humans have good opportunities to interact with one another. There will be happy and good friendship amongst people. Late nights at the office will not allow social gatherings or other community activities to flourish, which is not good for an area. To conclude, regulation against longer duration of stay at the office should be made since it has so many ugly effects to the society.
Recently, individuals seem to spend more hours at work. This has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, their families and the community and
thus
, should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion, and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in the essay below why I take this stance.

Firstly
, the health of persons staying longer that they should in the office is at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, there won't be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to engage in other activities such as exercise which
is known
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial in keeping someone in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
shape. A wonderful example is my grandmother who is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strict with her workout routine and
still
looks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young and well at the age of 80. More time at work will rip anyone off this great benefit.

Secondly
, prolong working hours
greatly
affects the relationship of a person with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. There is an adage that says,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who play together,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
together.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Compromising the chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
close to the family will strain the bond and cause problems. An example is a couple who go through marital issues and
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in divorce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no quality time to form a strong link. Restrictions in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at work place will go a long way in combating the ugly situations that can
be caused
by this.

More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it cannot
be underrated
that the environment will benefit well if the humans have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
opportunities to interact with one another. There will be happy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
friendship amongst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Late nights at the office will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
social gatherings or other community activities to flourish, which is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for an area.

To conclude
, regulation against longer duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at the office should
be made
since it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ugly effects to the society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 2286 talk about a business you would like to startyou should saywhat it would be where it would bewho your customers would be v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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