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The diagram below illustrates how sugar is made from raw sugar cane. Write a report for a university lecturer that describes this process. v.1

The diagram below illustrates how sugar is made from raw sugar cane. Write a report for a university lecturer that describes this process. v. 1
Nowadays, due to rapid increase in global population, the forests are being destroyed and as a result of which wildlife is suffering. There are many species of wild animals which are already extinct and some are on the edge of extinction. Even though, wild animals play a vital role in the food chain, people believe that government spends too much in their conservation. I strongly disagree with the statement and this essay will discuss that why it is necessary to save wild animals. The forests are being destroyed by human beings, thousands of trees are being cut everyday in order to clear the land for personal or commercial use. We are destroying the home of animals to create houses for us. They help in maintaining the balance in the ecosystem they are useful in maintaining our forests. For instance, bees are the main source of pollination and because of them, we are able to eat honey, which is a remarkable food in so many different ways. Moreover, due to deforestation the animals are forced to spread and pushed into urban areas. Animals carry deadly pathogens, which can even kill a human being. They are not affected by those pathogens, but they are very harmful for humans. For instance, in Wuhan scientists discovered a new virus which is killing people in China named as Cronovirus. It is believed that it is transmitted from animals to human beings. In conclusion, there is no denying the fact that there are many problems, which should be resolved too, but we cannot simply ignore the importance of wildlife and its conservation. Without wildlife we would not survive and government should spread awareness about the same.
Nowadays, due to rapid increase in global population, the forests are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and
as a result
of which wildlife is suffering. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which are already extinct and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are on the edge of extinction.
Even though
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
play a vital role in the food chain,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends too much in their conservation. I
strongly
disagree with the statement and this essay will discuss that why it is necessary to save wild animals.

The forests are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings, thousands of trees are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the land for personal or commercial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. We are destroying the home of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for us. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in maintaining the balance in the ecosystem they are useful in maintaining our forests.
For instance
, bees are the main source of pollination and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of them, we are able to eat honey, which is a remarkable food in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.

Moreover
, due to deforestation the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are forced
to spread and pushed into urban areas.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
carry deadly pathogens, which can even kill a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being. They are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by those pathogens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
For instance
, in Wuhan scientists discovered a new virus which is killing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in China named as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cronovirus
. It
is believed
that it
is transmitted
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.

In conclusion
, there is no denying the fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems, which should
be resolved
too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the importance of wildlife and its conservation. Without
The comma is probably missing here: "wildlife, we".
wildlife we
would not survive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spread awareness about the same.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The diagram below illustrates how sugar is made from raw sugar cane. Write a report for a university lecturer that describes this process. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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