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The diagram below give information about the Eiffel Tower in Paris and an outline project to extend it underground. v.1

The diagram below give information about the Eiffel Tower in Paris and an outline project to extend it underground. v. 1
In many countries around the world, accommodation has become less affordable. Due to this price surge, many young people are now having to remain in the family home until they are past 30. While this extended period of house can sometimes be beneficial, in this essay, I will explain why I feel it is ultimately not for the best. Certainly, this development can offer a number of advantages, both to children and to their parents. The main one is in terms of finances. Buying a property, or even renting one, is becoming prohibitively expensive. In Melbourne, for instance, the average home costs over $600, 000 and without a substantial deposit, a new homeowner is often faced with unmanageable mortgage repayments. By living at home longer, young people are able to avoid paying rent and therefore save money, which can ultimately go towards a place of their own without the crippling debt. From the parents' perspective, there are some benefits too. They may enjoy having their child around the company or for extra help with household chores. For some families, this extended cohabitation can strengthen the bonds between generations. Despite these positive effects, there are, in my view, more downsides. While the situation may be financially beneficial for children, it can have the opposite impact on the parents, particularly those who have retired or are planning to retire. Rather than providing for just one or two people, parents with adult children at their residency, often have to support them as well. Not only do they require meals, but the parents may also have to pay gas, water, electricity bills which may be significantly higher with an extra person at home. Even if the child does contribute towards the running of the house, it is unlikely to compensate fully for the expenses. In a society like Australia that values independence so highly, parents may feel a sense of failure. In other words, although living at home may be convenient for the child, may be burdensome for parents, not just financially, but psychologically as well. In conclusion, as the cost of living soars, children may contribute to live at home longer. Even though this may enable them to save money, the situation tends to have more problems than benefits, especially for the parents.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world, accommodation has become less affordable. Due to this price surge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
having to remain in the family home until they are past 30. While this extended period of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be beneficial, in this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I feel it is
ultimately
not for the best.

Certainly
, this development can offer a number of advantages, both to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The main one is in terms of finances. Buying a property, or even renting one, is becoming
prohibitively
expensive. In Melbourne,
for instance
, the average home costs over $600, 000 and without a substantial deposit, a new homeowner is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
faced with unmanageable mortgage repayments. By living at home longer, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to avoid paying rent and
therefore
save money, which can
ultimately
go towards a place of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without the crippling debt. From the parents' perspective, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits too. They may enjoy having their child around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or for extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with household chores. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families, this extended cohabitation can strengthen the bonds between generations.

Despite these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, there are, in my view, more downsides. While the situation may be
financially
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it can have the opposite impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
particularly
those who have retired or are planning to retire.
Rather
than providing for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one or two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at their residency,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
support them
as well
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they require meals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay gas, water, electricity bills which may be
significantly
higher with an extra person at home. Even if the child does contribute towards the running of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, it is unlikely to compensate
fully
for the expenses. In a society like Australia that values independence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
highly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may feel a sense of failure.
In other words
, although living at home may be convenient for the child, may be burdensome for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
financially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
psychologically
as well
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, as the cost of living soars,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at home longer.
Even though
this may enable them to save money, the situation tends to have more problems than benefits,
especially
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay The diagram below give information about the Eiffel Tower in Paris and an outline project to extend it underground. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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