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The diagrams below give information about the Eiffel Tower in Paris and an outline project to extend it underground v.1

The diagrams below give information about the Eiffel Tower in Paris and an outline project to extend it underground v. 1
These days, shopping has become increasing popular among people. Some people argue that shopping preferences of a person are determined by their age. I do not quite agree with this view. While I do admit that youngsters and teenagers tend to shop more than elderly people, a person’s ability to shop is ultimately determined by their financial status. Rich people tend to shop more than poor people. This is not necessarily because their needs are greater. They buy more because they can afford it. Conversely, poor people cannot afford shop frequently because their financial situation does not permit it. Of course, there are some people who borrow money to buy things, but they cannot carry on this habit for long because there is a limit to the amount of credit a person can get. Having said that, the age of a individual may also influence their shopping habits. Impulsive buying, for example, is more common among adolescents and youngsters. They often follow fads and buy things that they may or may not need. They are also more likely to invest in clothing, gadgets and personal care products. Even so, not every youngster spends in the same way. Young people coming from rich family backgrounds certainly spend more than their poor counterparts. Another factor that could influence the shopping habits of people is their values and beliefs. People who believe in simple living are unlikely to splurge even if they can afford it. In conclusion, the financial situation of a person is the first and foremost factor that determines their shopping habits. Age and value systems are also influential factors, but they are not more important than the purchasing power of a person.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become increasing popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
preferences of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
are determined
by their age. I do not quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. While I do admit that youngsters and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
more than elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
is
ultimately
determined by their financial status.

Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
more than poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is not
necessarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their needs are greater. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can afford it.
Conversely
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
frequently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their financial situation does not permit it.
Of course
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who borrow money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot carry on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
for long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a limit to the amount of credit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.

Having said that, the age of
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
individual may
also
influence their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
. Impulsive buying,
for example
, is more common among adolescents and youngsters. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
follow fads and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that they may or may not need. They are
also
more likely to invest in clothing, gadgets and personal care products. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, not every youngster spends
in the same way
. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming from rich family backgrounds
certainly
spend more than their poor counterparts.

Another factor that could influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is their values and beliefs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who believe in simple living are unlikely to splurge even if they can afford it.

In conclusion
, the financial situation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is the
first
and foremost factor that determines their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
. Age and value systems are
also
influential factors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are not more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the purchasing power of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagrams below give information about the Eiffel Tower in Paris and an outline project to extend it underground v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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