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The development of technology changes the way people interact with each other. In which way does it change the types of relationship between people? Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

The development of technology changes the way people interact with each other. In which way does it change the types of relationship between people? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
Nowadays, technology plays a significant and massive role in human' s life and there is, no doubt, modern technologies have changed the way of communication also. In present time impact of technology can be seen in various fields. In my point of view, modern technologies have some merits as well as demerits also. First and foremost point is that it is the reality of today new innovations made man' s life very easy. With the help of these gadgets like computers and cell phones the way of interact with each other has become very fast and easy. In addition, nowadays face to face communication facilities are also available and it gives the experience more real and physical. Furthermore, social media such as WhatsApp and Facebook has also affected the People' s connection with each other. With the use of these apps, one can share his thoughts in a few seconds in all around the world. Hence, it is clear that technology has transformed the world into a small village. However, every coin has two aspects so we cannot deny the drawbacks of technology. In the present time, it became a trend for among the people to share every life experience on the internet and sometimes these types of activities create some problems like the privacy issue. Moreover, technology also plays might role to break up the family relation. For example, nowadays everyone has a mobile and he or she prefer to spend their leisure time on their cell phones rather than their family members and sometimes over Reliance on mobiles might case miss understanding between couples. In conclusion, after having both the ideas to my knowledge. I would like to assert that it is undoubtedly advanced technology play a major role in every person life but we should not ignore its negative impact also.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays a significant and massive role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and there is, no doubt, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of communication
also
. In present time impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in various fields. In my point of view, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits
as well
as demerits
also
.

First
and foremost point is that it is the reality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
new innovations made
Possible spelling mistake found.
man&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of these gadgets like computers and cell phones the way of interact with each other has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and easy.
In addition
, nowadays face to face communication facilities are
also
available and it gives the experience more real and physical.
Furthermore
, social media such as WhatsApp and Facebook has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
People&
#039; s connection with each other. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these apps, one can share his thoughts in a few seconds in all around the world.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has transformed the world into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village.

However
, every coin has two aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we cannot deny the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. In the present time, it became a trend for among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to share every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience on the internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
these types of activities create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems like the privacy issue.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
also
plays might role to break up the family relation.
For example
, nowadays everyone has a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mobile and
he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "prefers", "preferred".
prefer
to spend their leisure time on their cell phones
rather
than their family members and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
over Reliance on mobiles might case miss understanding between couples.

In conclusion
, after having both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to my knowledge. I would like to assert that it is
undoubtedly
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
play a major role in every person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact
also
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay The development of technology changes the way people interact with each other. In which way does it change the types of relationship between people? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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